


Whenever You’re Ready

by Kyro_James



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:06:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 42,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27533500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kyro_James/pseuds/Kyro_James
Summary: A SuperCorp story inspired by the truly wonderful interactions between Kara and Lena. Beginning from season 5 so it’s semi-canon.——With a whirlwind of emotions whipping through you, one thing remains clear. Now you are truly and utterly alone. And maybe you always were.——You didn’t know what you were expecting to happen but it certainly wouldn’t have measured up to the absolute bliss of being Lena Luthor’s only friend. And then her best friend. And then her favourite. Yes, favourite.——“I will stop you. Just like I would any other villain.”——It was hard to tell what the future held for you and her. So many hurt feelings, so many words left unsaid, so many thoughts circling both of your minds. But you’re speechless, absolutely speechless as you’re watching her sleep.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen, Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 57
Kudos: 126





	1. You Can Only Count On Blood

This wasn’t the first time you’ve held a gun in your hands. It wasn’t often you’d even bring yourself to enter in the same room as a gun much less to be holding it. But here you are now, once again, pointing a pistol at a dangerous man. 

Not unlike the time you had marched into Morgan Edge’s office with a loaded gun and the intent to kill. You’re not a violent person by nature, you cherish the lives of others much more than you do your own. After all the blatant, albeit well concealed, assassination attempts by Edge, never once had the thought of killing him cross your mind. No, only when the poisoning of children came into play did you find yourself overwhelmed with an unquestionable rage. So despite your reservations and despite your high regard for human life you were ready. Because he deserved to die and the world would be better for it. 

Just over a year later you find yourself face to face with another dangerous man. But he wasn’t going to luck out or eek out a feeble escape like Edge did. No, this time you were going to do it. He seemed so sure of himself, kneeling on the ground before you, trying to steady his breath. For all his arrogance, you knew that he was still shocked over just how close he had come to dying. But Lex being Lex, he wouldn’t dwell on that for long. Not when you were standing right in front of him. 

With a dismissive chuckle coupled with an exasperated eye roll, Lex acts as if the gun in your hand is a mere water pistol. You suppose in most situations it may as well be. You loathed guns, loathed violence. But you loathed your brother even more. You loathed the fact that you still loved him even more than that. But how could you not? Despite the psychopathic tendencies that he displayed even as a boy, despite the way he remained critical of you and everything you did, despite his diligent notes about all your so called faults and mistakes documented from the moment you set foot in the Luthor mansion, Lex was always, always, always the one who made you feel the most welcomed. 

So when your father died, it was no surprise to you that you found yourself clinging further to your big brother and still searching for some warmth and affection from an ever distant and cold mother. That’s why you pushed yourself. That’s why you obtained your masters all before the age of twenty-one. Because you wanted to work with him, wanted to get close to him. You wanted love. 

But you don’t need him anymore. You never did. His sick and twisted sense of affection that only sought to keep you down and bolster his humongous ego. A loyal sycophant. Now, now you knew for the first time what real love felt like. You had found your own makeshift family, something you never thought you wanted but would now fight to death to keep safe. Even if meant killing the only blood relative you had left. Even if it meant killing the man you once admired and looked to for validation. Even if it meant killing Lex Luthor.

“Lena.” He says your name again with a smile as he reaches out a hand. He wants you to help him up, he expects it from you. Of course he would think that you’re here to help him because isn’t that how it always worked? Lex would hurt and betray you and you would overlook everything to help him when he needed it most because even if he didn’t or raher couldn’t love you, you knew that you loved him. 

But you loved your new family more. You loved James more. You loved Alex and Kara more. You loved Kara the most. And Kara, sweet, beautiful Kara. Lex’s antics had placed her in danger so many times in as many days. When the base exploded in Kaznia, you suddenly forgot how to breath. It was as if the air had been sucked clean from your lungs and seeing her safe and sound was the only thing that could get you to start breathing again. You had both been through tough situations together, you reminded her of this much today but you had never been so unbearably close to the possibility of losing her forever. And that feeling, one of utter dread and heart ache, was a feeling you knew you’d always have so long as Lex was breathing. 

If you allowed him to walk out of here, he would come after everyone you love. So you steel yourself and you pull the trigger. You don’t close your eyes, you don’t flinch. You let the side of you that you know is dark and twisted up just like Lex take over and you do it. 

For the first time since you’ve known him, Lex appears shocked. He drops back, clenching his hand to his chest, gasping loudly. There’s no fear of death in his eyes, only an unexpected glint of victory. But why? Aren’t you the one who won the day? But that’s when he reaches forward, barely gripping a small remote. He shifts his weight in the chair so that the remote can point to the monitors behind him. 

The walls feel as though they’re collapsing around you. The home you thought you had built on a solid foundation was now crumbling before your very eyes. And you’re left exposed, naked, vulnerable. Videos and photos of Supergirl and Kara are flooding across the screens. Despite your shock and tired state you actually manage to follow along every video and every picture displayed. Lex’s words laced with a seething venom felt like someone was pouring hydrochloric acid down your throat. Your grip on the gun loosens as Lex draws his last breath and you come to terms with the gravity of what you’d done. 

With a whirlwind of emotions whipping through you, one thing remains clear. Now you are truly and utterly alone. And maybe you always were.


	2. She Never Really Knew You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an FYI I have written a few chapters already and I’ll be posting those as quickly as I can but feel free to drop a suggestion or two if you got one!

You can’t move. It’s as though someone had removed your L4 vertebrae and you’re now paralyzed. And you were but not because of a physical state. All this time, you had thought kryptonite was the only thing that could harm you. But not even millions of nails running through your blood and skin being seared from your bones was as painful as this. 

And it wasn’t the fact that for months you were led to believe that things were fine between you two, that you dared to think that you had spent so much time worrying about losing Lena for nothing, that you even allowed yourself to think that you deserved to be let off the hook so easily. Because you didn’t. Not by any measure. After everything she had done for you, for her best friend Kara and uneasy ally Supergirl. She had gone out of her way to help you as both your personas. There were times when you most likely would have died without her help. And despite your distrust in her, your condemnation of her for making kryptonite and Harun-el, she still helped you. And it wasn’t because she knew the person she loved was also National City’s famed superhero, it was because of her inherent goodness and kindness and genuine desire to make this a better world. Though her methods may read as unethical and suspicious sometimes, you knew that Lena Luthor was good. It was easy for you to see that as Kara but as Supergirl, you couldn’t show her that.

So no. It’s not her betrayal that has you rooted in place. It’s not the very little dose of kryptonite she’s laced your icy prison with, its not the grand theft of Myriad and her takeover of the Fortress’ defences. It’s none of that, or at least if it is, it’s only a small part. What really has you paralyzed is finally coming to terms with just how much you hurt her. It’s finally seeing how selfish you’ve really been by allowing yourself to even entertain the notion that you deserved to have this resolved so easily. That after everything Lena had shared with you about her past, so full of betrayal and dishonesty, you had the audacity to think you should supersede all those other people. Because you love her, you genuinely do. But so did Lillian and even Lex in their own ways. Even Eve. Even James. But no, you thought that you were different. 

You never truly understood the depths of your betrayal. Not until now. Not until your best friend screams at you for destroying the beautiful relationship you had both spent years building. And she’s right to. You know this. She killed Lex for you, to protect you but she never really knew you. Not really, not all the parts of you. The parts you had kept hidden from her for nearly four years. Trust wasn’t easy for Lena Luthor either but over the years she had made strides. Letting you in bit by bit each day while you continued to wall yourself off. And wasn’t because you didn’t trust a Luthor, after all you went out of your way to become friends with Lena in the first place. Why you’ll never know. 

There was something about her even from that first moment. The way the corners of her mouth would tug as she fought back a smile, the gentle lifting of her perfectly arched brow, the way her pale skin seemed to glow in the sunlight against a thick curtain of dark hair. It was the way Lena Luthor transcended the Luthor name. It was despite the fact that you knew her brother was the biggest Kryptonian hater, second only to her mother, you couldn’t stay away. And you didn’t. You didn’t know what you were expecting to happen but it certainly wouldn’t have measured up to the absolute bliss of being Lena Luthor’s only friend. And then her best friend. And then her favourite. Yes, favourite.

And you think to yourself that you must still be her favourite. After all, Lena knew the truth for weeks, could have destroyed you, could have killed you but she didn’t. She didn’t even use enough kryptonite to really harm you. Just weaken you a bit. If you really pushed yourself, you could’ve broken through the walls of this ice prison. But instead you stand there, drowning in your own guilt and pain and heart ache. 

How did you not see it? The cancelled brunch dates, the one word replies, the way she never seemed available to see you whenever you’d drop by at L-Corp, the way she seemed to relish in your disappointment at having learned about CatCo’s sale. How could you not see that that Lena was not the Lena you knew? The Lena who bought CatCo not as a business venture as she claimed but because she knew how much the company meant to you. She wanted to save it for you, to become a part of a world she never had any interest in because you were part of that world. The Lena you knew did those kinds of things for you. She embraced Alex, J’onn, Nia, Kelly and Brainy because of you. Because she loved you and wanted so desperately to be a part of your world. 

You thought you knew her but you couldn’t even see through her façade and you should’ve. Just as when Mon-El returned and looked at you with no love in his eyes, that was the way Lena looked at you today before using Lex’s transmatter portal watch to escape. And every day leading up to this, behind her charade of feigning happiness, there was pain and there was hurt. But you were so happy, so relieved at the weight that had been taken off your shoulders. You even dared to think of all the new possibilities now that Lena finally had the chance to know you. You never once paused to question why this all seemed to easy.

So you’ll take your punishments, whatever she wants to throw at you but will not, absolutely will not allow her to turn her back on her goodness. If the last four years had proven anything it was that Lena Luthor was a light in a sea of darkness. So you will yourself to move. You will your hands into fists of steel and you hammer them into the ice until it breaks. 

You will yourself to fight for Lena Luthor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear season 5 was the hardest thing to watch but in a weird way I think it might actually be good for their relationship and perhaps force some repressed feelings to the surface (fingers crossed for season 6).


	3. Do No Harm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Follow up to the previous chapter but from Lena’s perspective

You’d done it. 

You’d really, really done it.

With the help of Hope and J’onn’s brother and his powerful ability to incept you had done it. Non nocere, do no harm. The world is full of liars, cheaters, scumbags and murderers. People who prey on the weak and vulnerable. Bad people who take advantage of the goodness in others for their own gain, you could relate to that all too well. Humanity was flawed and deeply so but you were going to fix it. Our selfish inclinations were the real cancer in this world and now, now you had the cure. 

With the push of a few more buttons you would rid humanity of this plague and create a utopia. No more violence, no more pain, no more suffering, everyone would be safe. Yes, even Kara would be safe. Because of course despite everything you still cared about her safety. Why else would you have used such a small dose of kryptonite? Especially when you could have just killed her. Sure enough, you’re not a killer though you did take Lex’s life. A citizen’s execution if you will, the state certainly had enough reason for it. You had hoped that the realization of your own betrayal would help to keep her out of commission and for the most part it did because you really didn’t want to have to use any more kryptonite than that. It pained you to have to use it at all. 

Even in her blue and red super suit, blonde curls falling just past her shoulders, stance strong, blue eyes bold and intense, it was hard not to see the quirky Kara Danvers you had known her to be all this time with her earnest gaze, warm smile, trademark glasses and affectionate hugs. After all, that was the Kara Danvers that you chose to see. Just as Lex had said, Kara and Supergirl’s connection had been staring you in the face all this time while you chose not to see it. 

You were just as smart as Lex and Lillian, even smarter in some ways, if you wanted to connect the dots you could have but that’s not what you came to National City for. You came here to a name for yourself outside of your family, to turn Luthor Corp into a force for good, not fall into a Kryptonian obsession like your brother did. And you did too, just unexpectedly, unknowingly. You didn’t know it all the while you were allowing yourself to get in deeper and deeper into this thing you called a friendship with Kara Danvers, the human reporter, it was also with Kara Zor-El, the last daughter of Krypton. 

Supergirl. 

It comes as little surprise to you that she’s managed to track you down way out here in one of Lex’s many bunkers. She’s busy squinting her eyes, trying desperately to see inside, to see if you’re inside but with the walls lined with lead, this bunker may as well had been the layered glass mirror in a police precinct. Only one of you had a visual and you could take yours off at any moment. But you don’t, your finger is hovering over the button but you don’t press it. You can’t even will yourself to.

As much as you don’t want to see her, you do, as much as you want to hate her, you don’t. A part of you wants to exit the bunker and leap into her arms. There was nothing more exhilarating than the way she came swooping in to save you from Rama Khan just as you knew she would. It wasn’t the first time she carried you in her arms like this, hovering just above the ground but now that you knew the truth, there was nothing greater than that moment.

If you had your way, you would’ve stayed in that moment forever because for a minute, just a minute, you had let go of your anger and allowed the love you felt for her to flood back into your heart. You found yourself clinging more tightly to her and to your surprise her grip around you tightens as well. Almost like you planned it. And then she took you back to hers, she didn’t ask if that’s where you wanted to go but you know she chose there because she thought it’d be safest for you and that’s all that matters to her. 

She lands through the window of her bedroom, very slowly and carefully so she doesn’t jostle you. She walks you to the living room, no longer carrying you bridal style but still with her arms fully wrapped around you. Strong, firm, warm. She sits you down and disappears in a blur only to reappear fully dressed. 

You don’t even realize your shaking until she kneels in front of you and takes your hand. It’s such a submissive gesture for someone as powerful as she is but when she’s like this, when she’s more like the Kara you know, it’s easy to forget that. She rubs a thumb over the back of your hand and gives you a soft smile and that’s enough to make you feel steady. It’s moments like this that make you forget just how angry your are with her, how hurt you are by her betrayal but then when you do remember you manage to find the strength to pull away. So you will push that button and make her image go away. 

That’s when Lex’s automated defences are deployed. Cannons capable of pulverizing ionization are armed and at the ready. Hope asks for your command. You find yourself feeling an ever brewing conflict in your very soul so you remind yourself of what you’re trying to do and how everything you’ve done has been in pursuit of that. A better world. For everyone, even Kara. So you give the command. Supergirl is knocked off balance but she’s unharmed because of course she is. She was the closest thing this world had ever seen to a god with only one apparent weakness. 

That’s when the cannons suddenly change ammunition. Now it’s kryptonite, it’s deadly amounts of kryptonite. And that feeling of utter dread and panic that you’ve felt so many times before whenever Kara was endangered you feel again. You bark at Hope to shut it down, shoving her out of the way when she says she can’t. You’ll save Kara. You have to. And as the sand in the hourglass begins spilling out your silently screaming at her to fly away but instead she holds her hands up in surrender. She so believes in you, even after all this. She knows that you could have killed her in the Fortress or even during the weeks you were pretending to have forgiven her but you didn’t. Why hadn’t you? She knew why, because of your inherent goodness, because of your good intentions, because despite the hurt you have never truly lost yourself to the ever tempting darkness inside you and because of course you loved her. Still. 

You let out a shaky breath as the cannons power down at the last moment. Supergirl gives the bunker one last look before she flys away. You walk away from the controls, playing the mantra of do no harm over and over. And it’s not because you wanted to kill your best friend. 

It’s because you almost did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really do feel like the writers were trying way too hard to make Lena into a villain this season despite everything they’ve ever shown us about her that really points to how good a person she is. Whenever I watch these episodes, this one in particular, I feel like she’s at that line and she’s walking along it but she’s not going to cross it because deep down that’s not who she is. Which is why season 5 was so hard to watch for me, because it just didn’t make sense to try to make her the bad guy this late in the game. Anyways, as always thanks for reading :)


	4. Like Any Other Villain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place at the end of 5x13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably one of if not the best episode this season :)

This wasn’t the first time you’ve flown by Lena’s penthouse since her betrayal at the Fortress but this is the first time you’ve had the strength to enter. You find yourself smiling a little, the balcony door was still open. Not that a mere glass door could keep you if you really wanted to enter but you know that she knows you’d never force your way in. So she left it open, she must still secretly want you to come even though she’d never admit it to you or herself. 

God she’s beautiful. Even in the low light you can make out the well defined features of her face quite well. Her green eyes look tired, her shoulders slump, her hand trembling a bit as she dunks a tea bag into her mug. And that’s when her head jerks up, having heard you land softly. She watches you enter her penthouse but you don’t go further than a foot in. She thinks she knows why you’re here, it shows in her self assured demeanour, but you disillusion her quickly, cutting her words short. 

You try your best to balance your words between gentle and firm. Gentle because you don’t want her to think that you don’t care anymore because you do. You do so much. Firm because you need her to know how serious you are. That you were tired of waiting for her to realize that working with Lex is a mistake. That you would take her away from him by force if you had to because you could not stand by and allow him to infect her with his poison. And you won’t. 

When Mxy appeared at your door earlier in the night with the ever tempting opportunity to rewrite your past mistakes with Lena, you met the idea with the appropriate skepticism but you eventually find yourself leaning into it. It wasn’t as though you never tried to fix things with Lena in the current reality. It wasn’t as though you hadn’t tried to tell her the truth. You were just too late. 

With the events of Crisis behind you, you could still remember the pain you felt at having lost everything. Argo, your mother, your friends, your family. Your Alex. Your Lena. Yes, somehow losing Lena hurt the most, a pain second only to the loss of Krypton. And you knew why. You knew that Lena had likely died without ever knowing how you felt about her, died still believing you never trusted her, died with the heart break of your betrayal. 

So it was no surprise to you or even Alex that you rushed over to L-Corp once Crisis was over. Did her memories return? Was she still your Lena or was she now someone you wouldn’t even recognize? With a sledgehammer to your indestructible heart, Lena’s cunning gaze and words layered with thick sarcasm and anger were now the new normal. The Lena you knew was gone and perhaps she was never coming back. 

But maybe you could get her back. With Mxy’s mischievous powers you could go back, you could try again. You could do things right. So he sends you back, back to the day Mercy Graves attacked L-Corp. A rather low moment for you. You were so busy trying to protect your identity but all Lena was concerned with was protecting you. So now you’re back in that moment. Now you’ll tell her. There’s no time for you to really gauge her reaction, much like the first time you tried this. You disappear in a blur to take care of Mercy and her goons, leaving Lena frozen. 

It must’ve taken two minutes but by the time you returned to her office Lena was gone. She had gone to Metropolis seeking advice from Sam who assured her of your love of her. Lena seems satisfied, seems ready to come home and finally, finally see you. But it’s too late. A fine green mist pollutes the air around National City and quickly travels across the globe. 

Brainy, Alex and J’onn try to save you but they can’t. Lena’s supposed to save you, something she’s done so much over the years. And you know in your heart that despite her anger with you and her hurt she will move mountains to try and save you. So when Alex gives her a frantic phone call, she doesn’t hesitate to return. But she’s too late and you only have yourself to blame. 

So you go back again, this time to try and stop the damage that was inflicted on your relationship with her as Supergirl. Big mistake. She’s even angrier with you than the last one. So you seek help and wisdom from Mon-El in this reality. He knew you in a way no one did, not even Alex. He knew you not as Supergirl or Kara Danvers, only Kara Zor-El. He tells you what you need to hear, assures you that Lena loves you much like Sam did for Lena in the previous reality. 

Reign’s a monster of pure brute strength. She doesn’t hold back. Each blow seemingly more powerful than the last. Even with Mon-El fighting by your side you can’t beat her. But maybe someone else can, Lena Luthor with her brilliant mind. Her ethically shady rush to use Kryptonite now taking a back seat. She’s found another way to bring Reign to her knees. And that smile. That breathtaking smile she gives you, a smile you hadn’t seen on her face in so long. 

You fight to keep yourself rooted in place as she walks towards you. All you really want is to zoom over to her and take her into your arms again. And maybe you will. Right now and for the rest of time. Your hands move before your brain can even register what just happened. Lena collapses, heat vision boring two small holes through her back and through her heart. This wasn’t the first time Lena had died, she died in Crisis but you didn’t have to witness that directly. You didn’t have to look her in the eyes, you didn’t reach out for her only to have her fall just out of your reach. You hadn’t found her only to lose her once again. 

Mon-El’s rage filled scream breaks you too. He grabs Lena’s device, a bloodlust in his eyes that you’d never seen. He lunges for Reign, driving the device into her neck with as much force as he could manage, keeping it rooted in place even as she roasts his chest alive with her heat vision. This is too much for you, it’s all too much. 

So you try other realities with other possibilities but they’re all wrong. Without Lena, you die. Without you, Lena loses herself to the darkness. Your destinies are more intertwined than you realized. It wasn’t happenstance that brought you into her office with Clark that day. It was fate. And so you resign yourself to the fact of the reality. You can’t change the past, you can’t dictate the future. The only thing that you can do is give her a choice and hope, hope with everything you have that she finds her way back to you. 

“I will stop you, just like I would any other villain.” The minute that word escaped your lips you regretted it. Because you had never, ever seen her that way nor should you. You nearly heat visioned your own sister for even suggesting it. But you were tired, tired of taking the blame for all the bad choices she made, tired of watching her align herself with Lex. Tired of waiting for her to come back to you. 

Angry that you’ve had to wait this long in the first place


	5. The Price Of Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the season 5 finale

You’d failed. 

After all your work, after everything you’d done and sacrificed, you’d failed. You had given up so much and now you were left with nothing. And how could you not see that your plan was doomed to fail? If you had taken a second to really think things through you’d know that perfection was unobtainable. You couldn’t just change human nature. Humans were complex and difficult creatures who were constantly adapting and evolving. Even with your brilliant mind, you couldn’t fight evolution. 

Lex knew this but he went along with you anyway all the while never actually believing in you for a second. Yet another thing you should’ve been able to see. Seeing him again, knowing that you had killed him for the family you thought you had, you thought he would’ve killed you but he didn’t. He didn’t want to. He wanted to work with you, wanted to be a better brother this time. Just you and him against the world. He was going to build that castle up in the mountains and protect you both forever. And he meant it this time but he still hadn’t learned how to love. 

So it’s no wonder that you find yourself standing outside the door of the only place you had ever felt loved. Welcomed, accepted. Loved. But in your pain and in your grief you had allowed yourself to think that it was never real and so you chose to walk away instead of seeing what has always, always been right there in front of you. 

It took your project failing for you to realize just how far you had fallen because for a moment, just a brief moment, you had considered Lex’s words. World domination. Complete and total dominion over the masses. If that was the price of peace then you couldn’t pay it. The Luthor name meant that you were better than everyone else. Far more intelligent than any other persons on earth could ever hope to be. But Lex didn’t need you anymore than you needed him but you cling to him still because you thought that maybe this time you’d have your chance at a real family. This time you’ll chose the Luthors. Better to trust the devil you know as they say. So you do but you remain vigilant because no matter what you know that Lex’s true nature will always win out. For all his brilliance, he never quite figured out the art of subtlety. No, that was your specialty. 

You were going to save the world, you were going to bring peace and most of all you were going to prove to that Kryptonian know-it-all that you were right. You going to show her that you were always right and that you never needed her or any of them. You were going to show her that her betrayal had been for the best because of what it was going to bring. But all you really did was show her that she was right. You were the villain now.

And despite everything you’d ever done, that was the biggest mistake of all. 

You lift your gaze when the door opens up. You hadn’t knocked, you didn’t really need to. You weren’t sure how long you’d been standing there but it was long enough for the familiar beating of your heart to fill her ears. You look past her shoulder into her apartment and feel some relief. She’s alone.You weren’t ready to face everyone just yet, you weren’t even sure if you were ready to face her.

It’s been a rough couple of months for both of you. Kara’s usual bubbly personality is absent tonight. You’re not sure what she’s feeling, her expression indecipherable but at least she opened the door and didn’t slam it in your face. You wait for her to say something but she doesn’t. She merely turns and walks back into her apartment, stopping near the dining room table. 

Slowly you enter. You remember the last time you were here and your heart aches a little harder. It had been months with so many different things happening in between but you still felt the same way you did the first time you sent foot in Kara’s apartment. It was all just so her. The bundle of clothes thrown about, the messy stack of magazines and books on the coffee table, the fluffy red blanket that you and her had curled up under on that very couch many nights watching old movies. Sometimes with the whole group where the distance between you two was the greatest, sometimes just with Alex where the distance was just a touch away, sometimes it’s just the two of you sitting so close you could feel the warmth of Kara’s body. Everything was the same. You think. You hadn’t dared to peep into the living room to see if the picture of you, Kara and Alex was still there.

Kara crossed her toned arms across her chest and turned her face away. Your heart aches even more. God, you’d fallen so far that she couldn’t even look at you anymore. Kara, the one who had seen the goodness in your from the very beginning, even when you weren’t so sure of it yourself. The only person who ever saw you as simply Lena and not Lena Luthor, the daughter of an anti-alien terrorist and sister of an insane man who turned the sun red. And you’re scared because you don’t think you’ll ever find that again. Not with anyone else and certainly not with Kara again.

You’re tempted to turn around and leave because Kara not being the Kara you knew, the Kara you hurt and lied to, the Kara you had given up, is tearing you apart. But you stay and you tell her why you’re here. You tell her your mistakes, your regrets and how your only desire now is to try to fix everything. You’re earnest and sincere, just like every other time in the past you’d made a confession about the things you’d done to the cute blonde reporter. But unlike those other times she barely looks at you, it’s almost as if she physically can’t. The longer she remains silent the more you feel the dam you’d built inside you beginning to break. You knew you were seconds away from dropping to your knees and begging, begging her to believe you, to let you help her just as you have before. 

“Sit down.” That’s all she says but it’s enough, it’s more than you deserve. With a shaky exhale and a gratitude no one could measure you walk towards her and sit. She pulls the chair out next to you but there’s an unfamiliar distance. You’re not going to push it though. You tell her everything you know and she believes you even if she doesn’t say much, only speaking when she has a question. Then she leaves to call Alex, a call she takes outside. 

And you’re left there, practically trembling in your grief as you realized you pushed too far and carried this grudge for too long. The light Kara once carried for you is gone.


	6. Super Friends

You don’t say much to Lena on your way to L-Corp. It wasn’t because you didn’t have anything to say, in fact you had a lot, so much that you didn’t even know where to start. But you don’t say anything on the bus ride over, both of you choosing to sit on opposite sides. Lena gets up before you do when you arrive at the stop and you can feel her eyes on you as you eventually get up too but by the time you look at her she’s already walking away. Again. 

You’re not sure how Lena plans to get you both inside the building without alerting Lex but she finds a way. You can’t stop yourself from smiling as she literally engineers her way into the company building that was once hers. Lena’s intelligence was one of the many breathtaking things about her. You’d never understand anything but it warmed your heart whenever she’d talk about a project with you just because of how happy she’d seem, how adorably excited she’d get. 

You follow along as Lena leads you to a secret lab beneath L-Corp. You’ve been here before, never under good circumstances as Supergirl and only in a hostile takeover situation as Kara Danvers. So being here now with everything out in the open about both of you felt so surreal. Lena wasted no time, mumbling something to you before she got to work on your anti-kryptonite suit. To your immense surprise, she already had a design ready to go even though she had never made one in this new reality. Why was that? You don’t have time to question it, your mind too focused on your team who’s out there buying you time against Rama Khan and his pals. 

Lena’s never been one for small talk but she attempts it now in a desperate plea to get you to say something, anything. But you shut her down. You’re not sure why but talking about the past with her was the last thing you wanted to do. She tells you to scream at her, to tell her what you’ve been holding back and eventually you do. You give it to her. Not all of it though. 

You let her know just how much she hurt you, in every way possible. Stealing Myriad from the Fortress, using kryptonite on you, failing to see how all you ever wanted to do was protect her. You don’t say it but you know that you’re most upset, livid really, about the fact that Lena had chosen Lex over you. 

Time has run out and you begin rushing out. Lena moves to block you, insisting that you wait for the suit but you don’t. You can’t. Surely she must know this by now. Your self sacrificial attitude was not unlike her own. Neither of you knew how to be truly selfish, even just a tiny bit. So she comes with you, gets your suit to you, gets J’onn and M’gann as backup for you, protects your identity to William. She’s doing all the things that you should’ve known she would do if you had simply had the chance to tell her before Lex did. And why did he tell her? Did he really hate his own sister so much? No, this had less to do with Lena and more to do with you. He wanted to hurt you and he knew long before you did that Lena was the next best thing after kryptonite. 

So when this is all over, when Leviathan is defeated, you finally look at her. Alex and Kelly are celebrating with a kiss, J’onn and M’gann off to help Nia find Brainy. And you’re over here and she’s over there, watching Eve Tessmacher get a happy ending. Now that the dangers of Leviathan were dealt with you were no longer distracted. You were using it as something for your mind to hold onto besides Lena Luthor and now that you no longer had it, you couldn’t peel your eyes away. She catches your gaze and gives you a small smile. You smile back as you walk over to her. 

Despite what you said before, you decide to tell her that you’re close to forgiving her. Her smile grows and you can hear her heart beat steady. That seemed to put her mind at ease. 

“What now?” She asks you as you both silently acknowledge that you’re both in this together. 

“Well there’s still one bad guy left to catch,” you say, turning to face her.

“Let’s go take my brother down.” At first when she reaches out a hand out to you, you aren’t sure what to do. It had been so long since you merely shook hands with Lena. You can still remember the first time she hugged you. It was still in the early stages of the friendship, before you became her favourite, back when her mother was running around with Cadmus. It was the first time you had so staunchly defended her despite everything and everyone telling you that you were wrong. Because you weren’t wrong and you knew it. A hug from Lena Luthor was like seeing a unicorn. Very rare, very beautiful, very magical. Hugging Lena Luthor had sent your head in a tailspin, your mind blank, your knees weak. Hugging her had been everything. So to have to shake her hand now, you could hardly stop yourself from frowning. 

You only shake once but the smile that reveals itself on her face is almost as good as a hug. Almost. Your moment with her is cut short by Alex and Kelly who say they’re going home. Your sister gives Lena a wary look, still not fully trusting her or forgiving her for the pain that she caused you. Lena seems to sense that but she doesn’t say anything as she watches the two women leave. 

“I guess we should both leave as well,” she says a little while after. “This is the first place that Lex is going to come looking for me.” 

“Right,” you agree. “We can use the tower as our base. He won’t find us there.”

“The tower?” She repeats, confused. You smile a little, it was sometimes easy to forget that months had passed since Lena had been part of the super friends. And maybe, just maybe, she can be part of it again. 

“It’s at J’onn’s place. You’ll see tomorrow,” you explain. She nods before turning to gather her things. 

“See you tomorrow then.” She tried to walk past you to leave but you move to block her way. She looks at you with a question in her eyes. 

“Where are you going?”

“Home.” She says it as if the answer is oh so obvious. And it is. 

“You can’t go to your penthouse, Lena. That’s the second place he’s going to look for you.”

She laughs dryly. “I have the best security system in the world. Designed it myself. Trust me, Lex won’t be getting in.” You know that’s true, anything Lena designs is amazing and effective but still you don’t want her to go there. 

“It’s not safe,” you press. You don’t know how else to say what you’re feeling which is utter dread at the thought of any harm coming to her, of losing her before you had the chance to really know if you were getting her back. 

“Where else would I go?” It’s a stupid question, a stupid, stupid question but it’s not, not really. As far as she knew the bridges had been burnt with you. How could you expect her to know that she still had a home with you if she really wanted it? That she’s always had that, that all she ever had to do was reach out and open the door. How could she know that when you didn’t show her that today? 

So you show her now. “Come home with me.” It came out like a plea than anything else. You’re not sure what she’ll say, if she’ll actually chose what you want her to. And her answer is almost immediate. 

“Okay.” You can barely contain your excitement at hearing that four letter word. Perhaps this was the start you both needed. Perhaps you were on your way back to each other.


	7. The Middle Of the Bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel like they're both middle of the bed sleepers, just like myself! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story from here on out will be strictly non canon and just some of the things I’d like to see the writers do in this final season.

“This is everything right?” Kara asks you after she finished zooming across her apartment. She had gone over to yours to pick up a few things you insisted that you needed: your laptop, notebook, a few articles of clothing and shoes and of course a box that you knew Kara must be curious about, especially given the location you had told her she would find it in. But you also know that Kara’s rather impressive self control would prevent her from taking a peek inside. 

“Yes. Thank you.” She walks over the fridge and starts thinking about what to make to eat. You can’t help smiling as a frown appears on her face, she must not be loving her options. You’re so caught up with watching her that you almost miss the knock on the door. Kara’s body tenses up and immediately she’s on high alert. 

“Delivery guy,” she mumbles to herself but you manage to hear it. 

“I ordered Chinese while you were getting my stuff,” you say to her as you grab a ridiculous amount of money from your purse and head towards the door. “Thanks. Keep the change.” You barely note the confusion register on the delivery guy’s face at his wildly generous tip. Holding the four bags of food, you resort to closing the door with your foot. 

“You ordered Chinese!” Kara practically squeals as she zooms over to take the bags from you and place them on the island counter. 

“I did and yes, all the potstickers are yours.” She manages to tear her yes away from the food to look at you. Her blue eyes are bold and bright tonight, the bubbly and rosy disposition was back. Her smile, so warm and earnest. How could you ever, ever have thought that it wasn’t real? 

You both eat in silence in the living room. You marvelled as you always do at the amount of food Kara was able to eat but at least now you knew why she never gained an ounce of weight. But you’re holding your own too. The fact that you couldn’t remember the last time you ate meant that it was too long ago. By the end, there was nothing left of all that food but you’re both left full and satisfied. Neither of you saying anything. Just stealing glances and blushing whenever you get caught, sharing smiles and soft chuckles. It was nice. You had forgotten how nice it was to just be with Kara. 

Whether it was right here in Kara’s loft, in your office at L-Corp, at CatCo, at Noonans, at Jazzercise, the feeling was always the same. You felt happy, you felt whole, completed, loved, protected, wanted. How could you ever believe that wasn’t real? You can’t fake that kind of feeling, you should know that. Kara may have never explicitly said ‘I love you’ to you but you didn’t need her to, her actions said it all. So why, why did you ever doubt that? You’re not sure you know anymore. 

It’s Kara who breaks the silence. “You look tired,” she says softly. “You should get some sleep.” You hadn’t really been sleeping much these past few nights and whenever you did sleep it wasn’t long before your mind ran wild with dreams of you killing Lex. In the quiet, stillness of the night, away from the distraction of your project, when you were just laying there in a California King bed that never felt so big, thoughts of Kara that you’d been running from all day catch up to you. 

You nod and begin clearing the empty food containers but Kara swiftly takes them out of your hand and tells you she’s got it. It reminds you so much of all the nights you’d spent here with her and Alex and of course with just her. And she’d do the same thing then as she’s doing now, completely refuse to let you do anything other than eat and drink and laugh. Many times she’d clear the takeout containers and empty wine bottles while Alex slowly passed out with her head resting against your shoulder, you’re probably the only one in the group who’s ever out done Alex in the drinking department. Kara wasn’t much of a drinker but now you understood that with her insanely fast metabolism, it probably didn’t make much sense to even bother. 

So you drag yourself to the bedroom and open the leather tote bag Kara had packed some of your clothes and toiletries in, pulling out a navy silk pyjama set which you take with you to the bathroom to change. Kara already has a toothbrush waiting for you and fresh towels in case you wanted a quick shower and you decide that you do. It felt so surreal to be showering in Kara’s loft. Despite all the time you spent here, you’ve never stayed the night, even when you and Alex were drunk off your asses due to your equally competitive nature, you’d call your driver and go home. It’s not that you didn’t want to stay, you just weren’t brave enough to. And you almost weren’t today, you almost pushed to insist that you’d be fine at your own home but you decided not to. You decided that for once, you were going to say yes to your heart. 

You take a long, hard look at yourself in the mirror and for the first time in months you’re finally staring at a reflection you can recognize. You hadn’t quite realized how far you had strayed from the person you were and wanted to be. You take a deep breath and walk out of the bathroom, heading straight to the living room. Kara’s still in the kitchen. She could’ve used her super speed but she’s taking her time, moving at a human pace. You stand in front of the couch and start rearranging the cushions for maximum comfort. That’s when Kara walks over to you. You don’t need to turn around to know she’s staring at you. 

“What are you doing?” She asks softly. 

“Getting ready for bed.”

“I’m not going to leave you to sleep on the couch.” And that’s when you turn around because you need to make sure that what you think Kara is implying is actually true. She moves closer to you to take the cushion out of your hands and then she holds her hands in hers and leads you over to the bed. “Give me one sec.” Before you can say anything, Kara disappears in a blur and reappears moments later, dressed in an adult onesie covered in adorable brown puppies. You can’t stop yourself from chuckling, not because it’s ridiculous although it sort of is, but because it is just so Kara and it’s something as simple as this that you’ve been missing for so long, denying yourself for so long because you had convinced yourself that it wasn’t real. But it was. Kara’s puppy dog onesie, Kara’s warm and beautiful smile, Kara’s big eyes as blue as the ocean, Kara’s heart. It’s been right here in front you. Kara being Supergirl didn’t change any of that. 

“Where do you sleep?” You ask her. 

“In the bed?”

You chuckle again. “I mean, which side? Left or right?” 

She smiles now that she understands. “I kind of sleep in the middle.”

You smile back. “So do I.” Kara’s smile widens and dammit so does yours. It’s hard not to smile when Kara’s around, harder still not to when she’s smiling at you. You really can’t help how Kara makes you feel. No matter how much you denied it, how much you fought against it, how much you tried to convince yourself otherwise, Kara ignited feelings in you that you didn’t even know you had. 

So it’s no surprise to you that lying in bed next to her, you on the left and her on the right, is stirring up so many of the feelings that you had spent the past months pushing down. You can feel yourself slipping, falling further and further just like you were right before Lex’s revelation ruined everything. Before you ruined everything by walking away. So you steady yourself, knowing that no matter how easy things may fall in place, there were still unspoken words and thoughts and feelings between you two. 

“I know that you said you didn’t want to talk about the past but if we’re going to be able to move forward, I think we have to.” Your voice is barely above a whisper but you know she can hear you.

“I know. And we will. Just not tonight.” You roll over to face Kara. She moves in a little closer to you. You find yourself doing the same. 

You fall asleep staring into the eyes of the greatest love you’ve ever had.


	8. This Thing You Call A Friendship

Happiness, a state of complete and total pleasure and contentment. True happiness was rarely obtained, those fortunate enough to find it hold onto it with everything they have. Happiness was something that you had let slip through your fingers bit by bit every day you delayed telling Lena your truth. Who could blame you? Who could blame you for thinking that you could still have this happiness and more when it seemed like you’d been forgiven even when the evidence of her hurt was there and you could’ve seen it if you’d bothered to look?

You’re not quite there yet but you feel that same feeling of happiness coming back to you again, to where it was right before you were smacked in the face with the truth of what you’d been blind to. But you’re holding back because that feeling of happiness was followed by utter heart break in the face of a bitter and vindictive betrayal. And you lost her. So now you’re wary, now you’re terrified because you’ve had to live in a world without Lena Luthor, without your best friend, without her by your side as an unofficial and then official member of the super friends. 

You’d had many friendships before, on Krypton mostly. Making friends on earth was hard at first and for the longest time your only real friend was Alex because Alex knew you, all the parts of you. The friendship you forged with Lena had been unexpected, quickly moving from acquaintances and business contacts to best friends getting brunch together, trying out new fermentation places and eating Big Belly Burger. 

So of course you missed that. You didn’t want that with anyone else. Not Alex, not Nia, not James. Those were your Lena moments and even the not so great ones like when you behaved like a bad employee or when she slashed out at you when all you were trying do to was help her, those were fundamental in making your friendship stronger. Bit by bit you managed to show Lena that she can lean on you, that she can trust you but hadn’t she shown you the same? Mxy’s realities had answered that question for you. 

It was hard to tell what the future held for you and her. So many hurt feelings, so many words left unsaid, so many thoughts circling both of your minds. But you’re speechless, absolutely speechless as you’re watching her sleep. You woke up not too long ago, surprised to find Lena’s beautiful face so close to yours. She’s so peaceful like this, with the weight on her shoulders placed aside for just the night she actually appeared restful, still, calm. It was a side of Lena you hadn’t ever seen and it was incredible to think that there were still more sides to this fascinating woman. 

You know that you should get up and start the day but how can you when Lena Luthor is asleep next to you. In your loft. In your bed. You will never have another chance to just gaze at her without her powerful gaze hitting you back and making you look away. Lena always presented herself as strong and dominant, taking command of the room without saying a word. And it wasn’t the wealth and the Luthor name that had given her that power, it was her, all her. But that’s not your Lena, not the Lena that you see. It shows especially now. This porcelain angel lying next to you, finally taking off that armour she wears, finally laying her head to rest. It warms your heart to see her look so comfortable, like this was home. 

You pull yourself back a little when she starts stirring. She smiles, seemingly unintentional, as she sighs dreamily. You can’t help the way the display makes you smile. She knows where she is, she knows she’s here with you and she’s happy just like you are. 

“How long have you been staring at me?” She mumbles the question with her eyes still closed. For someone without super senses, Lena was quite perceptive but that shouldn’t surprise you. After all, Lena Luthor was intelligent in more ways than even you knew. 

“Not too long,” you say but honestly you’re not even sure. Time was never a factor whenever Lena was around. Rao, how did you ever get anything done at CatCo with this woman around? 

“What time is it?” 

You look over her shoulder at the clock on your nightstand. “Just after eleven.”

“What?” The reaction is so unexpected that you actually jump. Lena shoots up and out of the bed. “I’ve slept half the day away. Why didn’t you wake me?”

“Because you needed the sleep,” you tell her, smiling again. “And you do know that it’s okay to sleep in every now and then.”

“Not when there’s work to be done.” You bit your lip and look away for a moment. You know what she’s talking about. Lex was still out there running around, planning God knows what. His big plan was to have Leviathan kill you before killing them, two birds one stone, but Lena interfered with that plan by making you that suit. Lex will want to kill you even more now, probably Lena too. 

“I think the world will forgive you for sleeping in for the first time ever.” You manage to get another smile out her, this time with her powerful green eyes on you, affecting your ability once again to form coherent thoughts. This happened to you a lot in the beginning whenever you’d visit her at L-Corp or she’d visit you at CatCo. The location didn’t matter, her beauty and mesmerizing gaze always through you for a loop. Then, as you spent more time with her, moving from acquaintance to friend you began to see the softer, human side of Lena Luthor that was even more spectacular. But now, as much as it felt like things were falling back into place, they also felt new, like she was the new and powerful young CEO and you were Cat Grant’s assistant who didn’t have a clue what she wanted to do with her career. 

“What do you want for breakfast?” You ask her. 

“I think you mean brunch.” And you both smile at the word. It really was so on brand for you. Most of your time together consisted of brunches, sometimes with the whole group on a roof top garden but mostly brunches were reserved for you and her. It was your thing, the special thing you had only ever done with Lena.

You shrug. “Whichever. What do you want?”

“I’ve actually had a strange craving for bacon recently.” 

“Well then, I will fry you up some bacon.”

“Actually, I’ll take care of brunch if you don’t mind.”

Your brow furrows at the uneasy look in Lena’s eyes. “What? Why?”

“Well . . . You’re not exactly a great cook.”

“I mean I’m not great but I can fry bacon!”

Lena’s laugh, soft and brief and you can’t help the smile that it elicits from you. “You can do many great and wonderful things but cooking is not one of them. So please, let me do it. And besides, it’s the least I can do for . . . .” She stops herself from going any further and you’re grateful. There’s things you need to talk about, you’ve both acknowledged that but not now, not when this morning started off so great, not when you finally got to wake up next to the only person you’ve ever truly loved. 

“Okay,” you sigh, pouting a little. She smiles as she leans across the bed, reaching out a hand to your face. Gently she moves an errant strand of hair from your face and places it behind your ear. Her hand stays there, moving to your cheek and you’re frozen, your brain completely fried all because Lena Luthor was touching you. Well, partly. Mostly, it was because the love that once showed in her eyes was coming back. 

“It’ll be worth it,” she whispers to you before she turns toward the kitchen. Pots and pans are moving about, items being taken out from the fridge and the pantry. You’re not sure what she’s making and sure enough there’s no shortage of ways for you to find out but you can’t move, you don’t want to move. 

Things with Lena Luthor have always been more complicated than they seemed. Behind every friendly but flirtatious look Lena would flash you, every wide eyed gaze you’d give her, every grand gesture from her buying CatCo to you defending her at every turn, there was always, always something there, something that you both refused to acknowledge. This thing you called a friendship, was it ever really that simple a characterization? Neither of you ever had many female friends, it was always Alex for you and at one point it was Andrea for Lena, but those were different in different ways. What you had with Lena was more, it was almost urgent, desperate. A need more than a want. You needed her just like she needed you. 

You had wasted so much time, both of you had, first by towing the line of friendship then by drowning in the grief of your betrayals. You were wrong and you hurt her and you called it one mistake but really it was multiple. Lena was wrong too and she hurt you too and she too had made multiple mistakes. And that was on both of you and it would be on both of you to fix them.

It’ll be worth it. Lena’s words may have been about the brunch she’s making and you wholeheartedly agree. It will be worth it. 

And so will loving Lena Luthor again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)


	9. Heroes and Villains, A Luthor and A Super

There’s different reasons why you’ve never had many friends. Any friends really. First, because your wealth and family name made you a pariah, and then because your friendship with Andrea Rojas had turned to betrayal and you didn’t feel like you’d ever be able to trust anyone ever again. But somehow, some way, when Kara Danvers walked through the doors of your office three years ago, you found yourself drawn to the stuttering, nervous mess of a reporter. 

It’s weird being around the rest of the super friends now. You and Kara had arrived at the tower long after everyone else. The brunch you two shared had been wonderful, almost too good to be true. Kara’s bright blue eye followed every move you made as you prepared the omelettes, bacon, pancakes, hash browns and sausages. She wanted to help but you refused, insisting that she just sat and waited. But really it was Kara’s proximity you were avoiding. Giving into your desires made you just brave enough to sleep next to her last night. You were too tired to not give in and waking up in the comfort and security of Kara’s loft allowed you to continue to feel free. 

Now was different. If you’re being honest with yourself, something you don’t do often enough, you never really opened up to the super friends even though you acknowledged them as family and respected them for who they were. Sure enough you’re not blind to the suspicious gazes Alex throws your way, the way J’onn pauses as he speaks as if he’s trying to make sure he doesn’t trigger you, the obvious discomfort on Kelly’s face. Nia’s currently nursing an injured Brainy upstairs so you’re grateful that they’re two less people you have to worry about. 

You spend most of the afternoon trying to upgrade some of the technology J’onn had set up in the tower. It wasn’t DEO or L-Corp standards but considering his resources, it certainly wasn’t bad. You do miss L-Corp’s high speed mainframe with its mind blowing processing speed and the satellite that would put even the greatest government organizations to shame. That was all Lex’s now that you’ve chosen your side. But you didn’t need any fancy technology to find him, he wasn’t in hiding, he was simply laying low while he plotted his next move. So you make your own plans as you work diligently and think of new ways you can protect your friends from your psychopath of a brother. To protect Kara. Lex would undoubtedly figure out how to make kryptonite soon if he hadn’t already and once he did, he would kill Kara at the first chance. You weren’t sure which Kryptonian cousin he hated more now. 

When the end of the day arrives it’s only you, Kara and Alex at the tower, J’onn having left to assist M’gann with a psychic scan of the city to try to locate Lex. You’re sitting at your makeshift station, still making various upgrades to the system. You haven’t said a word to Kara since this morning, only speaking when she or anyone else asks you a question. Even while you’re deeply engaged in your tasks you can feel Kara’s eyes on you every now and then. It’s not long before she tries to stand close to you but you find yourself moving away, pretending to do something on the other side of the room. You’re unable to even look at her so you keep your eyes on the floor. You don’t need to look at Kara’s face to know there’s confusion and perhaps still a bit of hurt. There’s another pair of eyes on you. They’re of a wary and serious type. 

Alex Danvers never trusted you, not fully anyway. Much like how you embraced the super friends for Kara, Alex had embraced you for her too. Unlike you, Alex knew the full story, knew that her sister was Superman’s cousin and you were Lex Luthor’s sister. You knew that she wanted to believe that you weren’t just a copy of Lex, that you were good and that you wouldn’t hurt Kara. And you wanted to believe it too. Every time you took an action that you thought may cost you your friendship with Kara you panicked because Kara meant the world to you in a way no one else ever did. Not Jack, not Andrea. Just Kara and only Kara.

Even though Kara may forgive you for everything you’ve done, Alex never will. She was the pragmatic one, the realist. She didn’t see the world in the rosy way Kara did. That’s part of why their sisterly bond was so central to them both, it balanced them. So while Kara may never punish you Alex certainly will if given the chance. And you wouldn’t object. So you’ll let her glare at you from across the room without complaint. Alex may look at things as black and white. Up and down. Right and left. Heroes and villains. A Luthor and a Super. In reality, things were never that simple. The Luthor name didn’t make you a villain any more than that crest made Kara a hero. But she can treat you like one if she wanted, you’ll just prove her wrong, just like you had before.

Alex eventually leaves to meet up with Kelly and you’re alone once again with Kara. She’s keeping her distance still, having failed every time she tried to get close to you. You tell yourself you don’t why you’re acting this way but you do, you’re shutting down. You’re wide awake now and the armour is back on and the persona of a powerful businesswoman has returned. You’re doing everything you can not to feel the kind of vulnerability you felt last night because as good as it felt to be free like that it was also terrifying. The last time you had put the armour down, Lex had revealed to you the truth of Kara’s betrayal and you lost yourself, your mind and your heart ensnared by rage and grief. Your heart was broken. 

“Are you okay?” Kara asks you, so softly it’s as if she’s afraid of speaking any louder. You almost didn’t hear her at all. 

“I’m fine,” you say quickly, too quickly to be convincing. The look on Kara’s face tells you that too, she’s not buying it. 

“You’re shaking.” You hadn’t even realized it but she’s right, you’re trembling like a leaf so you take a deep breath and you steady yourself. Kara places a hand on yours but you pull it back, almost like a reflex. 

“Okay, why do you keep doing that?” Kara sounds annoyed as she crossed her hands across her chest, something you noticed she’d do whenever she was upset, a contrast to her usual open stance. 

“Keep doing what?” You pretend not to know what she’s referring to and it only annoys her further, the bright blue eyes of hers turning to steel. 

“Every time I come near you, you move away. And I know it’s on purpose.”

You look away from her for a moment, unsure if you should tell her what you’re feeling. Then you decide. “Look, I appreciate everything that you’ve done for me and for you wanting to protect me but last night was a mistake.” 

“A mistake?” It was heart wrenching to see Kara’s face fall, to hear her voice so small. Though that wasn’t your intention and it was exactly what you were trying to avoid, you were hurting her. So you took a deep breath and made every effort to make your words as gentle as you could. 

“I shouldn’t have stayed at your place,” you begin. “I need to go home, to mine. I’ll be fine there, I promise you.”

Kara pouted, clearly displeased. “I don’t . . . I don’t understand. Was it something I did or said?”

You shake your head vigorously. “No, absolutely not. I-I thought I was ready but I’m not. I’m sorry.” Kara hangs her head down, nodding to say she understands now. You want to reach out to her, to touch her, to feel the warmth of her skin against yours. But you don’t because once again the armour was on and you knew that even so much as one more look from Kara was going to break you. 

So you leave, you walk away again with Kara’s sad eyes trailing you as you fight back the river of tears threatening to drown you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their relationship will get better I promise but I do want to build to that a little bit.


	10. The Invisible Wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s a brief mention of William in this one but just like the writers of this show, I didn’t really know what to do with him

You should punch yourself in the gut right now. You had sworn to yourself that you would never do this again. You swore you would never let Lena walk away from you again but you did and you felt like you were never going to see her again either. In actuality, a week wasn’t forever, especially considering the months you both had spent apart. But a week felt like forever now and how could it not after spending a night with Lena Luthor lying next to you. So close. So beautiful. 

You had tossed and turned every night since then, you even found yourself sleeping on the left side where Lena was as if it would somehow bring you closer to her. You had hoped she would return to the tower but she hadn’t, only sending a text to say the upgrades should be finalized and that she could access it from her secured network at home. You replied with a simple okay, desperately wanting to go further but Alex stops you. She tells you that Lena needs space and that you need it too but you don’t. You never have.

You tried to be angry with her when she first showed up at your door, you tried to be distant while she worked on your new suit but at the end of the day all you were was happy, so, so happy that Lena was with you, that she had chosen you. Now it felt like you had taken one step forward and three steps back. The invisible wall that your lies had placed up between you and her was back and it wasn’t going away. Not unless you broke it down but how, how do you do that?

“Kara.” You look up, surprised to see William sitting by your desk. You were so distracted over Lena that your super senses had been dulled. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” You force a smile. You still haven’t quite figured things out with William, you practically left the man hanging and you knew that wasn’t fair. You only went out with him in the first place because you wanted to try and feel that human connection that you had been lacking. Everyone in your life knew who you were. Even as Kara Danvers, Supergirl never took a back seat, she was always there, casting a heavy shadow over you. With Lena, back before Lex destroyed everything, you got to be human and you loved it. You loved that Supergirl was never in the background, it was just Kara Danvers. So you thought that maybe you could do something similar with William but now, with everything going on, you can’t. Lena Luthor dominates your every thought, whether you want her too or not. 

“You don’t seem fine,” William says, looking at you carefully. “And I haven’t really heard much from you recently.” 

“I’m just dealing with some things.”

“Anything I can help with?” 

You smile gratefully. “It’s personal but thank you.” William was a sweet guy, he just wasn’t what you needed right now, not when there was still so much unknown things up in the air with Lena. You needed to figure that out first and then maybe you’ll be able to think clearly again. 

“Oh . . . I get it.” He sounded so dejected but you didn’t know what else you could’ve said. “Well, if you ever want to talk, you know where to find me.” 

“Thanks.” There was so much about you that William didn’t know and probably would never know. It was probably for the best, you didn’t need yet another person walking around with a target on their backs. He was already endangered with his bold pursuit of the truth as he pushed his investigation into Lex Luthor, adding him to the super friends would just make that danger even greater. So before you got in any deeper with him, became close to him and him to you, maybe it was better to shut it down now. 

“Kara.” Andrea’s voice brings you out of your thoughts. “Can I see you in my office for a moment?” You give William an apologetic look as you get up and follow Andrea back to her office. She doesn’t sit down, instead she leans against the desk and hangs her head low as if she’s searching for something. 

“Have you spoken to Lena recently?” She finally asks you. She doesn’t meet your gaze though, keeping her eyes on everything else in the room. You’re not sure why she seems so on edge or why she’s asking you this question. She may not know the particulars but she knew that you and Lena weren’t best friends anymore. Rao, even thinking about that fact hurt. It hurt so much. 

“I haven’t,” you answer, deciding to mirror Andrea’s stance. For some reason, you could no longer look at her as you spoke. “Why?”

“I guess she didn’t tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

Andrea sighed before she spoke again. “Leviathan manipulated me into trying to kill Supergirl. They activated me, made me use my ability to move between shadows to get to her. She was just lying there in Lena’s secret lab, stuck in the VR world, completely vulnerable.” She laughed humourlessly. “I don’t think any assassin has ever had it so easy. But Lena was there. She stood between me and Supergirl. I pressed that kryptonite dagger against Lena’s throat and I would’ve killed her, and she knew it too but she didn’t seem to care. She said to get to Supergirl, I’d have to get through her first. But I couldn’t, I couldn’t betray her again. It used to be me and her before I ruined it. ‘You jump, I jump’, we used to say that to each other all the time. And despite everything, I couldn’t hurt her. She talked me down but I saw it in her eyes, she would’ve let me kill her if it meant saving Supergirl.” 

You’re stunned, absolutely stunned. Andrea had finished speaking over a minute ago but you still couldn’t find your words. Why, why hadn’t Lena told you what had happened? It angered you to know that she was in danger and you couldn’t have protected her. You could’ve lost her again without even knowing it. 

“I want to apologize to her but what do I even say,” Andrea continues when it’s clear that you’re not going to say anything. “Sorry for almost killing you and Supergirl. I guess it doesn’t really matter what I say, she never returns my calls. Maybe that bridge has been burnt for good.” 

“She will forgive you,” you finally say, more for yourself than Andrea. You’re no stranger to the suffocating feeling of Lena shutting you out. “She just needs time.” 

Andrea nods. “You’re right. But, if you do see her, can you just tell her how sorry I am?” 

You bite your lip and nod but really you’re not even sure when you’ll see Lena again. If you’ll see her again. No, no you banish that thought. Enough is enough. You’ve been trying to give what she wants, space and time but what about what you wanted? You went for months without those magical Lena hugs, without those mesmerizing eyes meeting yours, without that breathtaking smile that she reserved for you, without being her favourite. But right now you knew, you knew with absolute certainty that you couldn’t go another second without her. And you won’t. So you leave Andrea’s office with renewed purpose. 

You quickly find your way out of the building and whip your glasses off to change into your super suit. You take off into the sky with only one thought in mind. Lena Luthor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really do hope that Kara finds out about Lena saving her from Andrea in season 6 but it’s so hard to tell with these writers. Sigh, fingers crossed I guess. As always, thanks for stopping by :)


	11. This Space Between Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it
> 
> Just a heads up this chapter is like twice as long as the other ones were, I kind of got lost in the writing.

“I’ve completed the scan, Ms. Luthor. I wasn’t able to detect any unusual radiation signatures.” 

“Thank you, Hope.” You raise the – fourth? – glass of scotch to your lips and down the contents quickly. “Where are you Lex?” You were quickly running out of ideas on how to track him down. He was as elusive as ever but the longer he remained off the radar, the bigger the threat he became. There was no doubt in your mind that he was busy plotting, determined to complete the one part of his plan he hadn’t succeeded in: killing Supergirl. But he wasn’t going to succeed. You thwarted him once before and you’ll do it again, you have to, even if it means killing him a second time.

“Is there anything else I can help you with, Ms. Luthor?” Hope asks you. 

“No. Thank you.” You stretch your arm across the island to grab the half empty bottle of scotch, accidentally knocking it over. Damn, you must be more drunk than you realized which was odd because normally you’d only be tipsy but you barely ate or slept these days, so the alcohol would have a stronger effect than it should. You usually try not to over drink. Alcoholism runs in your family, you watched it destroy your father but these days you’d do anything, anything to try to bury these feelings that you’ve been fighting against for so long. You thought about that old saying ‘out of sight out mind’ and you scoff. What a load of rubbish! If anything, not seeing Kara was almost just as bad as seeing her. Almost. At least when you’re alone you’re not faced with every bad decision you’ve made, you can instead focus on finding Lex, ideally before the others do. 

“Godammit!” You hiss when you cut yourself on a piece of glass as you try to clean your mess up. 

“Are you all right, Ms. Luthor?” Hope asks, no change in the tone of her voice and of course there wouldn’t be, you didn’t program her that way. 

“I’m fine, Hope. It’s just been a long day.” You grab a kitchen towel and apply pressure to the cut. It’s not deep but it does hurt a bit. “I won’t be requiring your services for the rest of the night. Just initiate the Anastasia protocol.” 

“Very well. Goodnight, Ms. Luthor.” You continue clearing the pieces of glass, being more careful this time, before dumping them into the trash at the end of the kitchen island. Your phone’s buzzing startles you a bit as it breaks the dead silence of your penthouse. 

Kara: Are you wake?

You stare at the text for a little while before you answer because you’re a bit drunk still and you want to be sure that what you’re seeing is actually real. 

You: I am. 

You’re not sure why but you immediately suspect that Kara’s outside so you quickly walk over to your balcony door and sure enough Kara’s there. She’s hovering not too far away from your balcony, her phone in her hands as she tries to figure out what to type next. She hasn’t looked up from her phone yet and you haven’t opened the door so she doesn’t know you’re there watching her. After things went south between you, you had redesigned your penthouse to block outgoing sounds and lined the walls outside with lead so that Kara couldn’t hear or see you. You didn’t want her to listen in on you crying your eyes out every night when she’s supposed to think that you hate her. 

Kara eventually looks up and spots you by the balcony door so she flies over but she doesn’t land, she just hovers, waiting for you to come out. So you do but you stay in front of the door and look at her, wondering why she was here. 

“Do you mind?” She asks you and at first you don’t understand what she means but when she gestures at the balcony you quickly do.

“No.” She seems relieved as she lands slowly. It was very weird to hear her ask for permission, she always landed and entered your penthouse and even your office like she owned the place. Now however, unlike those other times, you knew exactly who Supergirl really was, or rather, you were finally allowing yourself to see it. She doesn’t say anything even though she looks like she wants to. She doesn’t have the usual hands-on-hip Supergirl stance. Despite the blue and red suit and that S on her chest she was very much Kara Danvers in her demeanour tonight. She was nervous and fidgety, just like Kara would be whenever she had something on her mind she wanted to tell you. But since she’s not telling you, you decide to ask. 

“What are you doing here?”

“I needed to talk to you.”

“About?”

“About?” She repeats incredulously. 

“Well I imagine there’s no shortage of things you feel the need to talk to me about so, you’ll have to narrow it down a bit for me.” 

“How about everything?” She practically explodes, fists trembling with emotion at her side. “I mean, you’re the one who said that in order to move forward we’re going to have to talk.”

“And I meant it.”

“And then you shut down.”

“I didn’t shut down,” you disagree even though you know she’s right. 

“I hate this space between us, don’t you?” Of course you did but you weren’t going to admit that, at least not verbally. Of course you hated being away from Kara, away from her warmth and laughter. 

“I’m just not ready. I told you that I needed time.”

“Isn’t a week enough?” Her voice sounds so sad that it breaks your heart a little. “I get that you need time and I’ve been trying to give you that but what about what I need?” 

“And what do you need?” You ask her because you’re genuinely curious. What could the woman who has everything possibly need? She looks at you as though the answer is so clear.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Andrea? About her trying to kill me and you stopping her.” Of all the things you thought you might have to answer to, this was not one of them. Andrea had been calling you all week, no doubt to apologize but just like everyone else you shut her out too. For the longest time she had been your only friend, your best friend and it was her betrayal that made you afraid to believe in friends again. Until you met Kara Danvers of course who chipped away at your armour bit by bit each day and who got you to trust and love again only to betray you too. So you began thinking to yourself that maybe it was you, maybe you were simply unlovable. 

“It didn’t seem important,” you answer simply. 

“Are you kidding me right now?!” 

“If you’re going to continue shouting at me, we should probably go inside.” You turn around and start walking and she follows, jumping back when Hope’s security protocol identifies her as an intruder. “It’s okay, Hope. Supergirl isn’t a threat.” 

“Understood, Ms. Luthor.” 

“You programmed your AI to attack me?”

“Not you personally. Just anyone who isn’t supposed to be here.”

“I guess that includes me now,” Kara says sadly and you want to reassure her that that’s not true but you don’t have the words. You’ve never been good at this stuff, Kara was always the one in command of her emotions, who knew exactly what she was feeling and who always had the right words to say. Oddly enough, tonight you’re sensing that that’s not the case. Kara seems to be struggling just as much as you. 

“You’re hurt.” Her sharp eyes zooming in on the cut on finger that has started bleeding again just a bit. 

“Not a big deal, I just cut myself that’s all.” You walk back over to the kitchen to grab the towel and apply more pressure to get the bleeding to stop. 

“You need to be more careful.”

“Accidents happen. We’re not all invincible like you,” you state harshly. Even though you knew that Kara and Supergirl were the same person, it was hard for you to not still see them as two separate people. And who could blame you? Their interactions with you, their opinions of you, it was so different they may as well had been different people. Where Kara was supportive Supergirl was suspicious, where Kara was understanding, Supergirl was critical, where Kara showed you that she was your friend, Supergirl showed you why she shouldn’t be. 

“I’m not invincible,” Kara whispers in disagreement. She walks over to you and stops just an arms length away. “Can I see it?” You shrug but hold your hand out to her. She moves forward a bit more and looks at your finger with a pained look in her eyes. She takes the towel from you and continues adding pressure. You marvel at how gentle she’s being, you never thought about just how much effort it must take for her not to hurt someone accidentally. You suppose that you didn’t because never once had you ever been concerned about her hurting you. 

“It’s just a cut,” you say in an effort to get that look out of her eyes. You hated seeing her look that way.

“Do you really think that it’s not important for me to know? That I wouldn’t want to know that you almost died.” 

“And how many times have you almost died without me knowing it?” You demand, unable to hold yourself back. You push her hand away roughly, unexpectedly so you’re actually able to do it. Every danger that Kara faced as Supergirl, every time she almost died, every time you were called upon to help save her, how many of those moments did you actually know about? You were there that night when Reign literally beat Supergirl into a coma. You were saddened to see it, things between you two were still good, but you didn’t know that you were really watching your best friend, bloodied and broken, lying in the streets. And when the air was seeded with kryptonite, sure enough you cared about Supergirl, you cared enough to make a suit to filter out the kryptonite, you cared enough to help Brainy free the atmosphere of the toxin but you never knew what was on line. 

“It’s not the same.”

“How is it not the same? Every time you were in danger, every time I could have lost you, don’t you think I deserved to know just how much I had on the line?”

“Of course you did. You do. But dangers are what I signed up for, it’s part of being a hero.” 

“And I’m not a hero.” You chuckle dryly. “I’m the villain.” 

“I never should’ve called you that.” You can see it, the regret in her blue eyes. 

“You weren’t wrong. I was so caught up in what I was trying to do, what I was trying to accomplish. Mind control is textbook bad guy stuff.” 

“Would you have really done it?” She asks you and you know what answer she wants to hear but you’re not sure that you can give it to her. 

“Yes. I wanted the pain to stop. I wanted everyone to stop hurting each other so that the world would finally be a safe place.” 

“I know. And that’s why you’re not a villain. Villains are selfish, every thing they do is for themselves.”

“They also think they’re good, that they’re the hero of the story when they’re not.” 

“You are good. So good.”

“Am I? Maybe all this time I’ve just been pretending.” 

“I know that you’re good. I knew it from the moment I met you.” Kara takes an unsure step forward and takes your hands gently in hers. You try but you can’t remember a time when you held hands with Kara. There were hugs, so, so many hugs but never hand holding. It was a new level of intimacy you weren’t quite expecting.

“So why didn’t you trust me?” The question comes out like a strangled cry. It’s something you’ve wanted to ask her since you found out the truth but you’d never mustered the courage do it. She caught you at a particularly vulnerable time, the alcohol making it near impossible for you to keep your feelings in check. 

“I did trust you. I trust you now too.” 

You shake your head. “No, if you did you would’ve told me the truth.” 

“I told you that I wanted to protect you. Why can’t you believe that?”

“Because if I’m to believe that every single moment we shared was real, how could you ever, ever think that I would just walk away from you? Or that I wouldn’t want to be fighting by your side? I don’t need you to protect me, I never did. The only thing I needed from you was your honesty. The only thing!” 

“I know,” she says softly, looking away for a moment. “I didn’t tell you because, well, at first, it was too soon and then, before I knew it, it was too late. You went from being a stranger to being my best friend so quickly that by then I didn’t want to risk losing you. It was selfish, I know that and I’ve admitted that. But I have lost so much in my life. My home, my parents, Jeremiah. I just couldn’t bear the thought of losing you too. You told me once as Supergirl that we weren’t friends and that crushed me, more than you know. So I thought that as long as I was Kara, I wouldn’t lose you. It was wrong of me, I know that now. But you have to know that everything I did, everything I said was real. We were real, I promise you that.” You find yourself unable to hold back anymore so you finally let the tears flow and the sob escape from the depths of your soul and you allow Kara’s strong arms to pull you into her. She holds you there against her as you cry into her chest. You were tired, so tired of fighting and holding back, so tired of refusing to believe in your friendship with her. 

“I’m sorry,” you cry loudly as you cling to her. “I’m so sorry. For everything.” 

“I know,” she says again. “And I forgive you.” 

“I hurt you. I made kryptonite and used it on you. How can you forgive me for that?” You ask because you know you’ll never forgive yourself. The fact that there was a side of you that was capable of hurting Kara frightened you. 

“Because you’re my best friend and I love you,” she says, pulling away so she can look you in the eyes. “I love you and I’m sorry for making you feel like I didn’t or that I didn’t trust you because I did. I do. Can you forgive me?” It seems strange to you that she’s asking for forgiveness. What she did paled in comparison to what you did, you practically lost your mind and went on a bender of pain and self destruction. But you realize that Kara wants to take some responsibility for it, needs to hear you say the words before she can move on. 

“I do forgive you,” you tell her. And there’s that smile, that warm and unrelenting smile and you can’t stop yourself from smile back. You told yourself that you weren’t ready for this but really you were just afraid, afraid of confronting what you’d done, afraid of letting your guard down but you’re glad that Kara’s so stubborn. She never gave up on you, despite what you led yourself to believe and going forward you were going to make sure that she doesn’t come to regret it. 

“Can you stay?” You ask her, unwilling to spend the night alone without her. 

“No place I’d rather be.” She pulls you for another warm embrace and you’re melting, just melting at her touch and for once you don’t resent the red and blue suit she’s wearing. 

“Kara?” You mumbled into her chest. You can hear her heart beat faster. It was the first time in months that you’ve had the courage and the strength to say her name out loud. 

“Yes Lena.” God, she says your name with the same softness and affection that she used to, as if your name was some delicate object that she needs to treat gently. You loved the way she said it.

“I love you too.”


	12. The Box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone forgot or missed it, the box is mentioned in Chapter 7.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter that’s longer than the previous ones. I just couldn’t stop writing! If you hate long chapters I apologize in advance. Otherwise, enjoy reading!

For a moment when you open your eyes you’re confused. You’re not sure where you are but when your quick eyes scan the room you realize and you start smiling. Lena’s room. It was big, just like the rest of the penthouse that could easily fit three of your apartments. Even the bed was big but last night it may as well had been a small cot with the way you lied directly beside her, holding her close to you. Rao, nothing was better than that. To think that you almost didn’t show up at her balcony last night, that you almost didn’t send that text, that you almost let her continue to shut you out. 

You’re a bit dismayed at having to wake up to no longer find Lena in your arms, or anywhere in the room really but when you listen carefully you find yourself smiling more. Lena’s in the kitchen, humming softly as she’s pouring something into a mug. Probably coffee. You decide to wait for her when you hear her feet shuffle across the floor, coming closer and closer to the bedroom. 

Soon enough she appears in the doorway, smiling back at you with a cup of coffee in her hands. She looks even more beautiful in the mornings, as unbelievable as it was. With her dark hair down and messy, her green eyes bright and restful and a smile that turns you to mush every time, Lena Luthor is the pinnacle of beauty to you. She’s just so beautiful, on the inside and out. 

“Hi,” she says to you as she walks over to the bed and offers you the cup she’s holding. You scoot over more closely.

“Hi.” You place your hands over hers and carefully lead her down to the bed. She sits down near you and smiles as you lift the cup to your lips. 

“Did you sleep well?”

“Amazingly. And wow, this coffee is just wow.”

“Imported beans from Italy,” she tells you. She doesn’t pull her hands away as you take another sip, only smiling more at the display. You’re glad to see that she seems more open and willing to let you see her. A part of you was worried that the only reason she finally broke down was because she was drunk and that you’d wake to find a coherent Lena that wasn’t quite so vulnerable. But she’s still the same, her touch no different than it was last night. When she finally stopped crying and looked back up at you, when she pressed her lips against your neck, when she told you that she loved you, you thought you must’ve been dreaming. 

It was only in your dreams you got see that side of Lena Luthor. Even throughout your years of friendship, with all the hugs and lit biting and loving glances, this level of intimacy seemed forbidden. Even holding hands felt like a step too far and back then you weren’t sure why it hurt so much or why it took so much effort not to do it. Why didn’t you just do it? Why didn’t Lena? 

“Pardon me for the interruption, Ms. Luthor,” Hope chimes in, breaking the silent moment of bliss you were sharing with Lena. 

“What is it, Hope?” Lena says, sounding as annoyed as you feel about the interruption.

“You have a visitor.” You raise an eyebrow at Lena, a silent question. 

“Who is it?”

“Alex Danvers.”

“Alex?” You repeat, feeling confused. Why would Alex be here? You don’t have to wonder, Lena’s already on her feet and heading out the room. You follow behind her to the front door. 

“Alex,” Lena says when she opens the door. She doesn’t open it wide enough for Alex to see you. 

“I’m sorry to just show up like this but I’ve been trying to get in touch with Kara since last night and she’s not at her apartment,” Alex rambles off the minute Lena opens the door. “Look I know we’ve had our differences but I just need to know if you’ve seen her.” Lena doesn’t say anything, she simply pushes the door open further so that Alex can look over her shoulder and see you standing next to the island. 

“Oh,” Alex says, doing a poor job of masking her surprise to see you here. “You’re here.”

“Yea.” Alex and Lena don’t say anything, too busy trying their best not to look at each other. The tension in the room was becoming so thick you could cut it with a knife or your heat vision. 

“I’ll um . . . I’ll leave you two to . . . Talk,” Lena says, keeping her gaze low as she wonders into the next room. 

“What is going on?” Alex demands as soon as she thinks Lena’s out of earshot. 

“Nothing,” you say in a low voice. “I just came over last night after patrol and I ended up staying and I guess my phone died since I didn’t get to charge it.”

“I thought that you were giving Lena space.”

“I did. I gave her a week’s worth of space.” 

“A week is nothing.”

“Look, I couldn’t wait any longer and it turned out to be a good thing. We started talking, like really talking and I think we’re on the right track now.” 

“Wow, I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen you smile like this,” Alex says as she shares in your happiness. 

“I have her back, Alex and I’m not going to let her go.” No you weren’t, not now and not ever. No, nothing in this world was going to keep you from Lena ever again.

Alex nods. “Okay. I just . . . Just please be careful okay.” You understand Alex’s apprehension so you hold yourself back from arguing with her. Even though Alex knew that Lena was good, she couldn’t get past the fact that she had hurt you. You remember when Alex had her memory wiped to protect your identity from Colonel Haley and how not carrying the burden of your secret anymore had allowed her to bond with Lena in a way she hadn’t been able to before. All your life on earth, Alex had been your fiercest protector and her being unable to protect you was always her greatest fear. 

When Lena turned against you on the heels of your betrayal, she became a dangerous threat because she wasn’t an opponent you could simply deliver a knockout punch to. You could hardly bring yourself to raise your voice to her. Alex knew this and it killed her that she couldn’t protect you from it. It killed her to see you hurting. So she tried apologizing to Lena during Crisis, tried to make it known to her that your lie was never malicious but she couldn’t get anywhere either. She couldn’t fix it for you. 

“It’s going to be okay this time,” you assure her. “I know it.”

“Okay. You two probably still have a lot to talk about so, J’onn and I will hold down the fort. I’ll call you if anything big develops so charge your damn phone.”

You smile. “I will. Be safe.”

“Always. Love you.”

“Love you too.” You walk Alex out of the penthouse and close the door behind her. You turn to call out for Lena but that’s when you pick up on a sniffling sound. You zoom into the bedroom and find Lena wiping her tears away with the sleeve of her silk robe. 

“Lena.” You get down on one knee in front her, desperate to hear her reply. You didn’t want to see her like this, you’d do anything to not have her shed another tear. 

“Lena,” you say her name again, unsure if she heard you the first time. “Lena, what’s wrong?” 

“It’s nothing,” she whispers, wiping away the fresh tears. 

“Lena. Lena, please. Tell me what’s wrong.” 

“Alex came here when she didn’t know where you were. Not because she thought I might’ve done something to you but because she actually thought you’d come here. I know it’s silly but it took me back to before, before I pushed you away and ruined everything.” You take her hand in yours and you understand her sadness but you don’t quite know what to say. So you act. You press your lips against the bare skin of her pale hand. 

“You didn’t ruin everything,” you say, looking up to meet her gaze. “I started all this in the first place.” 

“But I didn’t have to push you away and shut you out.” 

“It’s okay that you did. Just please . . . Please don’t do it again.” You barely survived the last time Lena shut you out, your heart breaking into millions of pieces as each day went by, your thumb hovering over her name in your contact list, you flying over to her penthouse only to discover that she’s completely blocked you out. The pain and the guilt you felt over sending Mon-El away to save the earth was nothing, absolutely nothing compared to what you felt over Lena.

“Never.” Her smile reassures you more than her words because smiles like that she gave to you and only you. She slides down off the bed and sits on the carpeted floor where you’re kneeling. You adjust yourself to sit down too, closing the distance between you. 

“So, what does your day look like?” You asks her. At one point, you had Lena’s schedule pretty much memorized. She was a creature of habit who started and ended each day at exactly the same time but now, you had no idea what she was up to. 

“Nothing much. I’ve spent every day this week trying to find Lex but I haven’t had much luck. You?”

“Well, I was hoping that we could talk some more but we don’t have to right now if you’re not up for it.” 

“No, I’m up for it. I mean, I do have questions.”

“Really?” You exclaim excitedly. One of the great disappointments of Lena knowing the truth about you was the lack of questions she had. You figured with her scientific and inquisitive mind she’d have a million questions but you suppose her hurt took precedence over any questions she may have had. 

“Of course. Don’t you?”

“Of course. I have a real burning one in fact.” Lena arches her perfect eyebrows, a signal for you to go on. “What’s in the box?”

She doesn’t understand what you mean. “The box?” 

“The box you had me bring to my apartment the night you stayed over.”

“Oh,” she says, chuckling a little. “You didn’t open it?”

“I could’ve opened it?” 

“Well, I did leave it at your loft, didn’t I?”

“Can I open it now?”

“I guess but it’s not even —.” You take off in a rush as if you’re racing to save people from a burning building or to stop a bank heist. Within minutes you’re in your apartment and back to Lena’s with the box. She doesn’t say anything, only smiling at your antics. 

“I can open it right?” You can’t hold back your excitement anymore. 

“Yes Kara.” Kara, hearing her say your name again was more amazing than you thought it would be. For months, whenever she did talk to you, she never said your name or she’d simply call you Supergirl in a voice dripping with venom. Now she says Kara like she used to, with a slight but noticeable inflection in her voice and love in her eyes and a smile that’s only for you. So you open the box, finally. You cock your head to one side as you quickly examine the contents. 

“I thought I destroyed these,” You murmur as you stare blankly at the photos Lex had taped along the walls in Red Daughter’s room. The entire day had been one of the most stressful of your life, balancing the need to keep your secret from Lena but also wanting to keep her safe. You still remember how she screamed your name when the base exploded, how relieved she was to see you safe and how she wrapped her arms around you as if she never wanted to let go again. It didn’t have to be like that, you had caused her so much unnecessary stress over your safety when all you were concerned with was keeping your secret. That’s why you went back into the room, pretending to need your tape recorder that was safely housed in your jacket pocket. Even though the base was being destroyed you needed to be sure that those photos would never see the light of day. You needed to be sure that they wouldn’t cost you your friendship with Lena. Guess you failed at that. 

“You destroyed the ones in Kaznia but not these ones,” Lena tells you. “These are what Lex used to force me to see the truth. The flash drives have videos. One of them is of you destroying the photos.” 

You hang your head down in shame. “I . . . I just didn’t want you to see them. I didn’t want you to find out that way.”

“I know,” she whispers, offering you a warm smile. “I get that now.”

“I’m surprised you kept these.”

“I didn’t want to leave them in Lex’s safe house. Truthfully, I wanted to burn the whole place down but then I thought they might be useful. In fact, I was going to use them to out you as a liar and a hypocrite at the Pulitzer party.” You’re not upset, just a little disappointed that Lena was hurting so much that she was actually willing to do something that was so unlike her.

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because you told me who you were, finally. After Lex forced me to see the truth I waited and waited and hoped that you’d tell me, that you’d have a good reason for keeping it from me. But the longer I waited the angrier I got.” 

“I’m sorry,” you say, lowering your gaze. 

“Hey.” She reaches out to touch your cheek gently and you’re locked in place. Lena’s touch was absolutely electrifying. “You don’t have to keep apologizing.” 

You chuckle faintly. “It’s hard not too.” 

“It’s hard not to for me too. I guess we just need to time to let go of our guilt and forgive ourselves.” You nod in agreement because Lena’s right, like she is most of the time. Offering others forgiveness as always easier for you than forgiving yourself and it was that way for Lena too. You turn your attention back to the box and its contents and pull out one of the pictures.

“You know, in a weird way, some of these photos are actually nice,” you say to her as you turn the photo so she can get a better look. It’s one of you two at the Spheerical Industries Biomax launch. You remember how annoyed Snapper was at you being there without a ‘legitimate’ press pass and how Lena gave him the death stare the entire time. You’re sitting right next to each other, shoulders pressing more than they needed too, Lena’s arm resting on yours. You had many photos together, most of them by your own insistence, but there weren’t many like these, where you’re both unsuspecting and just in the moment. 

“Yea I guess they are.” You spend the rest of the afternoon going through the photos, picking the ones that you both wanted to keep. And it’s nice, for once thinking about the past doesn’t hurt so much nor does it bring up feelings of guilt. It brings up feelings of happiness and joy. And love, so much love. You know that there’s still so much to talk about, you both silently acknowledge that, but you’re taking you’re time and you’re being patient. You’re not walking away and neither is Lena. At the end of the day, it was you and her. She may not know it yet but you know that your hers. 

You’ve always been hers.


	13. Familiar Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some more cute Kara and Lena moments. Love writing those.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to the usual word length

Finally. 

Finally you get to see her and know her. Kara Zor-El, the last daughter Krypton. You listen in closely to every word she says, like a little kid in a circle for story time. Kara describes Krypton in so much detail it makes you feel like you’ve been there too. She tells you about her parents, about the day her and Kal escaped, about the years she spent alone trapped in the phantom zone. She tells you about adjusting to life with the Danvers family and learning to control her powers and how she was so afraid of her strength that for months she didn’t want to touch or hold anything. 

And you talk to her too. You’ve told her things before, about your mother and growing up in the literal hell that was the Luthor manor but there were other things you hadn’t shared. So you tell her more about your mother, about the guilt you felt over the fact that you watched her drown without saying anything. You tell her about Adam, how your rush to use Harun-el had cost the young man his life and of course you tell her more about your project and your relationship with Lex. 

You talk about everything and yet there was still some things left unsaid. As brave as you thought yourself to be, there was always one thing you were absolutely terrified to do: being honest with yourself. Because you knew that the minute you did that, you had to accept what you’d been denying. You weren’t quite there yet but you were getting there. Kara’s presence makes you brave, braver than you ever thought you could be. That’s why you’ve always been able to open up to her ways you never had with anyone else and you’re glad that she feels the same with you. 

You spent the night eating Big Belly Burger and watching The Wizard of Oz with Kara. It’s these familiar things, these moments now enhanced with you opening up to her and you to her. It’s these moments you’ll cherish always. It’s these moments when you allow yourself to forget about the past and be. Just be. With Kara. And only Kara. 

And at the end of the night, when you’re nodding off against her shoulder, she scoops you up into her arms, carrying you bridal style to the bedroom. You giggle as you rest your head against her chest, practically purring like a cat because you’re feeling warm and fuzzy. That’s just how Kara makes you feel, like you’re wrapped up in the world’s most comfortable blanket. Safe and loved and wanted. 

She stops just in front of the bed but she doesn’t put you down, not yet, she’s not ready too and you’re not either. So she just holds you there in her arms as if she’s afraid you’ll disappear. But you won’t, you won’t ever leave her, you won’t ever walk away. You won’t give her up because there’s nothing in this world that means more to you than her. In the moments of anger and heart break you had forgotten that but you won’t this time. 

When she does place you down on the bed gently her hands leave your body for only a brief second before she’s holding you again. She sighs into your hair, pulling you in closer. You were never one for physical intimacy. As a child, starved for love and affection – of any kind – you were told that love was valueless and respect was the only thing that mattered. The heart was an overrated organ, one that made you weak and pathetic. And you believed it. But then you met Andrea and you tried to love and then she betrayed you. You tried to love when you met Jack but he was more caught up with his research than he was with you. You tried to love when you went to work for Lex after college but he was too drawn into his obsession with Superman to even give you the time of day.

So when you came to National City, you were prepared not to love again. Trying to love only ever brought you pain. But not loving Kara was the worst pain you’d ever felt, it hurt more than her betrayal and her lies. Not loving Kara was like denying yourself air, eventually you have to breathe. And that’s what you’re doing now. Breathing. 

Physical intimacy, or intimacy of any kind, didn’t come naturally to you. You had tried with James but all he did was show you that you didn’t understand love as well as you thought you did. You didn’t know how to let yourself be loved. Until now. Things were always easier with Kara, almost effortless. You didn’t stiffen up whenever she touched you, you craved those touches like a drug. And the withdrawal was unbearable. 

So you’re taking it now, as much as you can get. Kara pulls you even closer to her before she pulls the covers up and over you both. This was only third time you spent the night together but for some reason it felt as though it had always been this way. 

———

You’re back at the tower. Brainy was still in a coma, the only way to stop the radiation from killing him any more quickly. Nia breaks down when you enter the room, desperate to know if there’s anything you can do. You’re not sure yet but you promise to try. Not just for her or Kara or even to assuage the guilt you were still feeling. It was for Brainy, for the awkward but sweet techno organic genius. Your comrade. 

Kara’s called away, her duties as Supergirl never fully finished and you know it makes her worry less that you’re here. You eventually figure out a way to stabilize Brainy but it’ll take time to be completed. Nia throws her arms around you without thinking and it takes you a minute to return the hug. It warms your heart to see some semblance of a smile on her face. She walks back over to where Brainy is lying and you turn to leave and give them privacy. You meet J’onn at the bottom of the stairs on your way down. 

“It’s good to have you back,” he says as he places a hand on your shoulder. You place your hand over his and smile back. 

“Can we talk?” Alex says when J’onn is up the stairs. You nod and follow her out of the office. 

“Alex, before you say anything, I just want you to know how sorry I am for everything that happened, everything that I did.”

Alex shakes her head. “No. I’m supposed to be apologizing to you.” 

You’re shocked. “You are?” 

“Yes. Because I should’ve helped Kara fight for you and I didn’t. I should’ve let you know just how much you meant to us. To me. Lena, you are my friend. And I’m sorry that I’ve been so cold with you. It’s just . . . You have to understand that when it comes to Kara, I will do anything to protect her.” 

“So will I,” you assure her and you can see it in her eyes, she believes you.

“I know things are going well with Kara right now. But if you hurt her, you won’t be getting another chance.” 

“I won’t need it,” you say, sounding more confident than you feel. Not because you don’t believe it but because you’d been forced to confront the side of you that was capable of hurting Kara and no matter what, you knew that part of will always be there.

“I was hoping you’d say that.” Alex smiles at you, in a warm and very Kara-like way. It’s must be a Danvers trademark. You smile back, grateful that things between you and Alex were getting better. “Also, the next game night is at your house.” Game night almost exclusively happened at Kara’s loft, for a number of reasons, the biggest beginning that you were all connected in some way because of Kara. Also, it took you two years to buy an apartment in the first place, so afraid to do something so permanent. To buy a home meant that you felt like National City was home, that the super friends were home. That Kara was home.

You chuckle a little. “My house?” 

“Yea. In fact, it might have to be at yours for a while. You have a lot of game nights to make up for.” Your full blown laughing now and Alex laughs with you before she beckons you over for a hug. “We missed you.”

“I missed you guys too.” Sure enough you missed Kara the most but you missed Alex and Brainy too. You had forged a unique bond with both of them over your similar interests and intellect. And of course you missed J’onn’s words of encouragement and faith and the way he referred to you as family. You never had that.

But you had it now and you weren’t letting it go ever again.


	14. Surrender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James makes a surprise visit to Lena

It’s been a long day. Supergirl was needed almost everywhere, you barely had time to make an appearance at CatCo. Now you’re on your way home. Well, to Lena’s penthouse where you’ve been spending every night for the past week, only going to your loft for a change of clothes or to water your plants. Nothing too time consuming, nothing that would take up precious minutes that you could’ve been spending with Lena. 

You think about picking up something for dinner but it’s almost ten o’clock and you’re sure that Lena’s already eaten, assuming she even remembered. She could remember the most complex mathematical formulas but could never seem to remember something as simple as eating a meal. You land on Lena’s balcony and already you’re smiling. But the smile disappears as soon as you pick up on a familiar deep throated chuckled. You covertly take a peep through the balcony door, as if you don’t have x-ray vision (it works now that Lena’s removed the lead barriers) and you feel your heart sink. 

When did James get back in town and why weren’t you happier to see him? He was one of the first people who believed in you and he was always in your corner from day one. He was one of your best friends, you used to like him, you dated him. But Lena loved him and he loved her. He got to share moments with her that you never had because you were too oblivious to what you really wanted. 

It took losing Lena for you to finally come to terms with how you really felt about her. How you’ve always felt about her. And it wasn’t just a physical, animalistic desire, it was so much deeper than that. It was emotional, it was spiritual. It was destiny. Or so you thought. Seeing Lena and James sitting so close, laughing and talking like exes and not friends, felt like a kryptonite dagger to your heart. But it shouldn’t be. James is your friend and even if he wasn’t it shouldn’t matter. Lena was beautiful and single, she could entertain whoever she wants but how could you not feel this way after spending so many nights lying next to her? You try to shake this ugly emotion away but you can’t. It’s dug it’s claws into you and it’s not letting go.

You’ve only ever felt this way once, when Lena introduced you to Jack Spheer. Even Mon-El had picked up on the fact that your need to crash Lena’s dinner with Jack was less about your suspicions of him and more so about the fact that you couldn’t stand the idea of her going out with someone else. Even though you were. You did. Rao, you were so selfish. But you only did it because loving Mon-El felt easier, less overwhelming and it protected you from the all-consuming flame that was your love for Lena. You couldn’t handle it then, you’re not sure if you can handle it now. 

You want to but you can’t tear your eyes away from them. From Lena. Her raven hair was let down and wavy, your favourite, so no, you couldn’t peel your eyes away. You don’t like what you’re seeing and you don’t like how it’s making you feel. James is your friend so why did you feel like burning him to a crisp? Why did you have to remind yourself that he was your friend, just like Lena, over a hundred times since you’ve been standing here? Without even knowing it, the handle of the door is deformed by your tight grip. You hadn’t even realized that you had reached for it in the first place. The sound of metal groaning as it’s crushed out of shape makes James and Lena finally break out of their conversation and notice you. Well, you can’t run now so you let go of what little is left of the handle and you enter. 

“Kara!” James exclaims as he rushes over to you. He’s so happy to see you but you could hardly smile back. He wraps his arms around and you do the same, a bit too tightly. “Easy there Kara.”

“Sorry,” you say as you quickly let go. “I’m just . . . .” You don’t know how to finish the sentence so you try again. “It’s so . . . .” You try again. “When did you get back?” 

“This afternoon. I would’ve been back sooner but you guys have really been keeping me out of the loop.” He wasn’t wrong but you all only did it so that he wouldn’t drop everything and return. He was finally doing what he was meant to do, safe and away from all the craziness of being a friend of the Kryptonians. 

“It was probably for the best, I wasn’t exactly at my greatest moment,” Lena says. You’re not sure what they talked about but the look James gives her leads you to believe that she told him about Project Non Nocere. 

“Still, I would’ve liked to be there for you,” he says with a lingering look at Lena who gives him a small smile. Then he turns to you and adds, “all of you.” You scoff mentally. When was James ever really there for Lena? You had trusted James to protect and cherish Lena’s heart but he didn’t. And neither did you. And with that realization you wonder if it’s really James your upset with or if it’s what his presence here reminds you of, a walking, talking embodiment of your failure to safe guard Lena’s heart. 

You tried to be happy for James and Lena, even forced yourself to admit to a chemistry between them that you knew didn’t exist. And then you found yourself upset when she actually started dating him. Isn’t that what you wanted her to do? As smart as Lena was, she wasn’t a mind reader, she couldn’t know your every thought and feeling unless you shared it with her. But you didn’t. Instead you used her relationship with James to get him to break into her vault. It wasn’t Lena’s involvement with kryptonite that had dealt the first blow to your relationship with her as Supergirl, it wasn’t even James telling Lena what you had asked him to do, it was you for asking him in the first place. And seeing him here was a reminder of all that, of the moments where you had made her feel as though you didn’t trust her. 

James eventually excuses himself when his phone rings. He takes off to go help Kelly with something and you’re left alone with Lena. You don’t look up and meet her gaze as you march into the kitchen and pour yourself a glass of her favourite scotch. You hate scotch but you feel the need to drink it. 

“Kara.” Lena walks over to you, stopping on the other side of the island. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” you lie unconvincingly. She sees straight through you.

“Liar.”

“Okay fine. It’s James.”

“What about him?” She asks with a shrug. She can’t connect the dots on her own so you down another glass of scotch and search your heart to find the courage to say what you’ve been holding back. 

“I’m jealous.” 

“Jealous?” She repeats, raising an eyebrow. “Why?”

“Because, I know you love him and he loves you too. You were together for over a year and at a point you two were good. You seemed happy with him. I know this sucks to say but I wish he didn’t come here. He reminded me of just how much I’ve always fallen short. Of how much damage I really inflicted on our friendship. I started this. I ruined your relationship with Supergirl and then I used it as an excuse to keep lying to you.” You look away for a moment and try to steady yourself. You’ve already gone this far, you weren’t turning back now. “You are so much more than just a friend to me. You always have been and I have spent so much time being afraid of that. Throwing myself into a relationship with Mon-El, encouraging you to be with James. It was all so I didn’t have admit to you or even to myself now I really feel about you.” Lena looks at you carefully as you speak, hanging onto your even word as if they were giving her life. 

“What are you saying?” She asks but you know that she knows exactly what you’re saying. But she needs to hear you say the words. So you do. 

“I’m in love with you,” you tell her as you close the distance between you two. “I have always been in love with you I was just too afraid to admit to it because I didn’t want to lose you. But then I did and now that I have you back I don’t ever want to live without you. And I know that I broke your heart but believe me, I will never do that again.” For the longest minute of your life Lena just stands there in complete silence. You’re not sure what to make of that and the fear that you’ve made a terrible mistake kicks in. 

“Kara,” she says as tears begin to stream down her face. She takes your hand and places it over her chest. “Every beat of my heart is yours. It’s always been yours. I’m yours, for as long as you want me.” And that’s all she needed to say, all you needed to hear. She wraps her hands around the back of your neck and tip toes to meet your lips. There’s a pause, both of you panting as you hold each other in place. You gently snake your arms around her, pulling her as close to you as physically possible. 

Lena’s soft lips press against yours with the heat and passion of urgency, with several years worth of buildup and suppression. She jumps up, wrapping her slender legs around your waist as the passion builds. With Lena up against you, you rush over to the bedroom as carefully as you can. You lay her down on the bed gently, ripping off her blouse not so gently. You hurriedly kick your way out of your suit and allow her to pull you towards her. You’re both out of breath already and you take a moment to ask if this is what she wants. When she presses a kiss to your neck you get your answer. 

And finally, finally you surrender.


	15. Lex and Lena Luthor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lex and Lena finally have a chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of wrote this while half asleep so I will fix any grammatical errors later on. Also another heads up that this is a longer chapter.

Love. It’s a short, four letter word but it’s never been easily defined for you. Love could take different forms depending on the relationship and most of your relationships were toxic. Therefore, the love was toxic, doomed to fail. So you thought that love was pointless, a needless distraction. Unnecessary.

You were wrong. 

It’s not easy to admit that to yourself but you’re doing that now with ease because for once you’re happy that you’re wrong. To be wrong means that you get to wake up in Kara’s arms, you get to feel her warmth and her affections. Her love. Kara was always physically affectionate but you could sense that she held herself back with you and only did what she felt you’d be comfortable with. Now that everything was out there and you were both finally on the same page, Kara was not holding back anymore. 

And you are loving it. You loved feeling her pressed up against you, you loved the soft kisses she’d press all along your neck and down to your collarbone, you loved her gentle touches in the morning, the fiery and passionate ones from last night. You have never seen Kara so free. 

She loosens her hold around you so that you can turn to face her. It’s been about ten minutes since you both woke up. You never lazed around in bed before, you didn’t have a reason to. Until now. Kara was your reason, the only one you’ll ever need. You’re smiling at her as you move her hair out of her face. You’ve always secretly admired Kara’s radiant beauty but you could fully appreciate it now. With a smile as bright as the sun, Kara looks at you, taking your hand in hers. 

Finally you speak. “Good morning.” You don’t know what else to say. The events of last night had a dream-like quality to them. If weren’t for the visual evidence, like Kara’s suit on the floor and the cracks in your headboard, you might have doubted that it even happened at all. But it did happen and hours later you were still on cloud nine. 

“Good morning.” She leans in and kisses you, brief but sweet. “How are you feeling?” 

“Amazing.” That was the only word you could think of but in all honesty, the word for how you felt right now wasn’t in any dictionary. It defied all boundaries of norms and logic. 

“Are you sure?” She asks, looking at you carefully. You know why she’s concerned. For the longest time, Kara maintained an impeccable restraint of her powers. Even while up against some of the most powerful enemies, she rarely ever lets herself go. She never loses control. Until last night, until the passion built and built until it reached a breaking point. It wasn’t long before she held you just a bit too tightly but you didn’t mind. You trusted Kara with everything that you have, everything that you are. And then her grip moved to the headboard and the bed shook and shook but it didn’t break.

So you press your lips against hers and assure her with words that you’re fine. She pulls you into her again and you trail your kiss down to her jaw. Her heart’s beating so loudly you can actually hear it. There was no place better than being in Kara’s arms and it wasn’t because they were strong and powerful. No, above all things they were warm, cozy like a fireplace. Comfortable, loving. Just so warm. You would stay here all day and for the rest of time if you could. 

“Don’t you have to go into work today?” You ask her. She simply groans and holds you more tightly. “Kara.”

“Five more minutes,” she murmurs as she buries her face into your hair. You giggle, a sound you find yourself making more and more because of her adorable behaviour. She loved to cuddle, in the mornings before you finally get out of bed, on the couch watching old movies, at night just before you fall asleep. And dammit you love the cuddles too, anything that meant you’d be close to her. 

Those five minutes turn into ten and soon fifteen and eventually you release yourself from her grip. Well, she lets you, under a yellow sun you couldn’t hope to stop her from holding onto you even if you tried with all your might. As much as she’s tempted to continue she knows that she has to go. You both do. She had to keep up with her duties as Kara Danvers and Supergirl and you had to check up on your progress fixing Brainy. Things have been moving along well so far but you remained cautiously optimistic about his long term prognosis. His physiology was still a foreign thing to you, the real confounding factor but you were determined to save him. And you will, Kara and Alex have been telling you for days.

While Kara’s flying over to her apartment to get herself ready, you wander into the kitchen to make a quick breakfast. By the time she’s back, the French toast is ready to go. She zooms over to you and places a hand on your waist just when you’re about to turn around with a plate for her. You place the plate back on the kitchen counter and grab the nearby knife and fork. You cut into the toast and feed the piece to Kara. She hums in your ear how good it tastes, how it tastes even better because you’re feeding her. You roll your eyes but you continue with another piece. She eventually takes the plate from you and leads you over to the island counter to eat with her. 

You don’t talk much, you never do at breakfast or in the mornings in general. Kara doesn’t mind, too busy stuffing her face with French toast with one hand and lighting a fire in your crotch with her other hand. You’ve even seen this side of Kara before, the side that’s bold and brave and powerful in a different way. It was like your words had given her all the permission she’s ever needed and now she was free to be and feel exactly what she wanted. And she what she wanted was you. So she’s taking, as much as you’re willing to give her and you’d give her the whole world if she wanted it. 

You follow her to the balcony door. She whips her glasses off to change back into her suit before she steps out, still holding your hand. It always looked hard for her to let go of you or leave you, as if she was afraid you wouldn’t be here when she comes back. But you’ll always be here, you’ll never leave again. So you jerk her arm towards you, so unexpectedly that she actually stumbles a bit but catches herself before crashing into you. She smiles as she looks down at you, without your heels on Kara stands about three inches taller. She looks like she wants to kiss you but she’s hesitating and you’re not sure why. 

“What’s wrong?” You ask, determined already to make whatever is wrong right again. 

“Nothing. I just . . . I still can’t believe this is real. I’m so used to just hugging you.” 

“Now you can do both.” And with that, you lock you arms behind her neck as she pulls you up against her. It’s like fireworks going off the minute your lips touch hers, an electric current running through you. And you’re melting again, the years of neglect, betrayal, hate, sorrow, guilt are just melting away. Kara looks at you and smiles when she pulls away before she takes off into the sky. You walk back inside and head towards the bedroom to get yourself ready. 

When you finish getting dressed, a simple blue jeans and green cashmere sweater, you grab your phone from the nightstand to text Alex that you’re on your way. And that’s when the dream ends and the nightmare begins. 

“Hello sis.” That voice, it’s enough to send a cold shiver down your spine. You turn around and sure enough there he is, right on time. But of course it’s not him, not really. He’s using his hologram technology to visit you much like he did when he tried to get you to cure him of the cancer he gave himself. But even as a hologram he was pretty much the same, intangible, unreachable and so far removed from humanity. 

“Lex,” you gasp, not because you’re scared but because you haven’t been thinking about him at all since Kara’s been here with you every night. You almost forgot the man existed. 

“You don’t look happy to see me, Lena,” he says playfully.

“That’s an understatement.” You keep your eyes on him as you try to signal to Hope to try to track Lex’s location. 

“Don’t bother telling your AI to track me. You’ll find that the signal is untraceable.” Of course it is. And then you wonder, Lex has had the means to visit you risk free for weeks so why had he waited until now to do it? You have an idea of an answer but you ask him anyway. 

“Why are you here, Lex?”

“Well I’m not really here.”

You glare at the hologram. You’re so not in the mood for this. “You know what I mean.”

“I do, I was just trying to lighten the mood. I’m just performing my big brotherly duties and checking in on you. I know that we left things in a bad place what with the-whole-your-project-was-doomed-from-the-start thing.”

“Did you come here just to provoke me?”

“What? No. I came because I have been waiting for you to snap out of whatever early thirties crisis you’re going through.” You scoff and look away for a moment. Bullshit, it’s utter bullshit. 

“Why don’t you cut the crap and tell me why you’re really here? I know you’ve been keeping tabs on me.”

“Of course I have,” he chuckles. “You’re my sister.”

“You keeping tabs on me has nothing to do with the unfortunate fact that we share half of our DNA.”

“It does, but not entirely, you’re right.”

“So, tell me why you’re here,” you press. Despite your suspicions you needed to be sure. 

“Kara Danvers. I see that once again you’ve allowed yourself to be manipulated by that Kryptonian.” He spat the word out as if it was poison. 

“The only people who have manipulated me are you and Mother. Speaking of the old witch how is she?” 

“Angry with me. And you. She thinks you’re a lost cause and that I should give up on you coming back into the fold.” Lillian never truly embraced you as her daughter and after many years, you gained an understanding as to why. It didn’t make it hurt less though. So it’s no shock to you that once again she’s ready to take away the Luthor name from you. Even when you aligned yourself with Lex, and by extension her, even when you lived with the Luthors and grew up with them, even though you carried their name like a noose tied around your neck you have never been nor will you ever be one of them. Lillian was bitter and vindictive, Lex was psychotic and obsessive. You could never be those things. Even when you tried it didn’t fit, like wearing a pair of shoes that were obviously too big. So it’s no surprise that you soon returned to the person you were and have always been. Lex couldn’t change you and meeting Kara didn’t change you either, it brought out what was already there. 

“For once Lillian and I can agree.”

“How long do you think it’ll be before she hurts you again?” Lex demands as his hologram takes a few steps closer to you. “And believe me, she will hurt you again and who do you think is going to have to pick up the pieces when you finally break again.”

“I won’t let you destroy us, not again,” you say defiantly, sizing up the hologram as if it was actually him. “Not ever.” 

“Oh you think that is what it was about? Come on Lena, give me a bit more credit than that.” 

You pause for a moment before asking, “then why did you do it? Just to hurt me? To hurt Kara?”

Lex shakes his head, his trademark ‘I’m disappointed in Lena look’ all over his smug face. “Simply put, I wanted you to finally let go, to unleash that side of yourself that I have always seen in you. I wanted you to finally embrace being a Luthor and for a while you did and you were magnificent. But you allowed your feelings for a blonde in a red cape to stop you from reaching your true potential. You could’ve had this entire world in the palm of your hands, just like I’d always planned. Remember sis? Lex and Lena Luthor were going to change the world.” He would always say that, that it was you and him but that was never the case. Lex’s arrogance prevented him from ever seeing you as an equal and your brilliance prevented you from settling for less. 

“I will never be like you.” 

He laughs, long and hard. “So what? You think you’re the hero of this story now?” 

“I don’t know what I am,” you admit, both to him and yourself. “But I know that I’m not a monster.” 

“Really? Ask yourself, why are you trying so hard to find me before the rest of your super friends can.” Just over a year ago, you had resigned yourself to killing your only brother who you loved for better or worse, all for the safety of the world and your friends. Your Kara. And Lex’s death had affected you so much more than it should’ve because of what his death forced you to realize. You always fought against the notion that deep down you may very well be a killer but killing Lex felt justified. But if you were wrong about your friends and Kara, maybe you were wrong about killing Lex too. And having to deal with the gravity of what you’d done and the revelation of Kara’s betrayal, of course your emotional bandwidth ran out and your mind snapped. You weren’t sure if you had it in you to kill Lex again, if you would be able to control what an act like that could bring out from inside you. At the same time, you weren’t you didn’t have it and just in case you did, you didn’t want Kara around to try to stop you. Because you would do anything in this world to protect her. You’d die for her, lose your soul for her. 

“I guess we’ll just have to wait to see what happens,” you say smoothly, giving him a confident smile. Lex had tried so hard to turn you into a monster and he almost succeeded. Being so caught up in everything you were trying to do, you almost let him. 

“A fun chat as always. Catch you later sis. Oh and give the Kryptonian my worst regards.” Lex’s hologram finally disappears and you stumble back a little, bracing yourself up against the wall. Kara wasn’t here with you but the thought of her being back soon gives you all the strength you need to start moving again. 

“Ms. Luthor,” Hope says.

“I’m fine, Hope.”

“Ms. Luthor,” she continues, “I just wanted you to know that I have analyzed all instances of the things that you’ve done for others and I have cross referenced them with every known definition of heroism and I have determined with an accuracy of 99.7% that you are a hero.” Tears begin to well up in your eyes, God you’re so soft now that even the AI can make you cry. You’ve never viewed yourself as a hero, you didn’t think you deserved to because of who your family was and because of the pain and darkness you housed inside you. But maybe it was time to finally let yourself believe it. So you do.

“Thank you, Hope.”


	16. Dark Sides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena tells Kara what she plans to do to Lex whenever she finds him

“Lena?” You call for her the second you sent foot into her penthouse and close the door behind you. For once, you actually used the main entrance, the doorman confused to see you once again being allowed up to Lena’s after she had banished you for months. 

“Lena?” You call out for her for more loudly as you take your shoes off near the door and listen carefully. 

“I’m in here, Kara,” she says in a normal voice. She knows that she doesn’t have to shout, you’ll always be listening for her. You move at top speed towards the sound of her voice not because the distance is long but because you spent the entire day away from her and you didn’t want to spend even a second more. It was always hard for you to leave her, a part of you still terrified that she won’t be here when you come back. You try not to think about it but remnants of the past still haunt you, a past where she had chosen to walk away from you because you hadn’t given her a reason to stay. So now you’re determined to do all that you can to make sure that she knows just how much you love her, how much you need her and adore her. 

Lena’s in the bathroom dressed in a navy silk robe, one that matches the pyjamas she wore the first time you slept in the same bed with her. She smiles the moment you appear at the door, you smile the moment you see her, right on cue.

“I was just about to step into the shower,” she says to you while she unpins her hair and lets the wavy raven locks fall just past her shoulders. She tilts her head slightly to the left as she runs her fingers through her hair and asks you, “Care to join me?” And with that question, Lena unleashes the full power of her green eyed gaze and you once again lose all ability to form a coherent sentence. Only one word comes to mind when you stare at her. She’s slowly lowering her robe off one shoulder, exposing her pale and flawless skin, giving you the most seductive look ever. Did you even remember to breathe? 

“I . . . .” Your voice trails because Lena’s gaze is unrelenting. She knows exactly what she’s doing to you and she’s not going to stop. You don’t want her to stop. Lena’s always been a bit of a flirt but she has never been so direct. You realize now that it’s because she wasn’t sure just how far you would let her go. It was one thing to fill your office with flowers, one thing to bit her lip in a way that drove you crazy every time but doing this now with that look in her eyes was something entirely new. 

She doesn’t say anything else. She only needs to lift her eyebrow and smile slowly, knowingly. She’s driving you crazy without even doing anything at all. Not yet, she’s got more for you. So when you finally manage to think again you squeal out an excited yes and hustle your way out of your clothes. And that’s when Lena finally stops torturing you and drops her robe. You’re blushing, as if you didn’t see her naked last night, as if you’re seeing all of her for the first time but you know this is how it’ll always be with Lena. It’ll never get old. 

Her body is perfect, slender with soft curves just where you’d want them to be. She saunters over to the shower and you follow dumbly. Lena has you absolutely whipped. You step into the shower after her and slide the shower door close. She puts the water on and stares up at you, that sultry look still in her eyes. You’re not sure if Lena’s done this before but you’ve never showered with anyone. Despite the night of passion you shared with her this felt like unchartered territory.

“So, how was your day?” You ask like a clueless school girl. You don’t know what you’re expected to do. Lena places a finger over your lips and leans in.

“No talking.” Her lips graze your neck with soft, tantalizing kisses. You can’t help the moan that escapes from you as you grab her gently and back her up against the tiled wall. Your lips crash into her with a heat burning from the flame that is your love for her, a flame that you’ve only ever carried for her. She pulls away briefly, just to catch her breath before she’s on you again, as hungry for you as you are for her. Without even thinking about it, your hand moves to Lena’s crotch and before long she’s saying your name. Over and over. She wants to come but you don’t let her, not yet, not until you know she’ll be truly satisfied. And then you finally do. 

By the time you two actually shower, the entire bathroom is filled with steam. You’re not entirely sure that it’s just from the hot water. Even something as innocent as lathering Lena’s body with the artisanal soap, the feel of her skin as smooth as velvet, was enough to arouse you. Everything about this woman drove you mad with love and how could it not? Lena’s beauty wasn’t lost on anyone who’s ever met her, least of all you. 

It could’ve been an hour, maybe even two by the time you and Lena finally step out the shower. She hands you a towel before she begins drying herself off. You give her a puzzled look when she puts her robe back on and actually ties it. She doesn’t say anything and you decide not to either. Maybe you’re overthinking, something you do a lot, especially when it comes to Lena. At times, she was difficult to read, damn near impossible, especially when it came to the things that she didn’t want you to know. You want to believe that Lena has finally come to realize that she can share anything with you, that she doesn’t have to hide, but you’d be lying if you said that you didn’t have doubts. But you don’t say anything. You just take your own robe off the bathroom rack and put it on too. 

“Okay, there is something that I want to tell you,” Lena says to you and even though you don’t know what is it, you have a feeling you’re not going to like it. She goes on. “But before I do, I want you to promise me that you won’t freak out.” 

You scoff a little. “Lena, the fact that you think that whatever you’re about to say will freak me makes me think that it’s something worth freaking out about.” 

“I . . . I guess that’s fair,” she admits, taking a moment to formulate her words before continuing. “I just don’t want you to worry, that’s all.”

“Lena,” you say as you cast her a serious look. “Tell me.” 

“I saw Lex earlier today.” 

“What?” You explode, closing the distance between you two in a quick stride. “Why didn’t you call me? What did he want? Did he hurt you?” And with that last question you immediately began looking over her body, the way someone would if they’re looking to see if someone damaged their car. 

“I’m fine, Kara,” she assures you, reaching out to touch your face so you’ll focus on hers again. “It wasn’t really him, it was just a hologram.” You wish you could feel more relieved but you don’t. You didn’t want Lex to so much as send Lena a paper note, you didn’t want him to be in her life in anyway. Lex may not hold all the blame for the hurt that you had caused Lena but he was the match that lit the fuse. Mxy’s realities had shown you that regardless of how hurt she was, Lena would always come around and be there for you. She wouldn’t walk away, she wouldn’t give up on your friendship. You just needed to tell her first. Lex had taken advantage of a situation where all you wanted was to protect her, to hurt her, to turn her against you and force her to embrace what she was never meant to be. So it’s no surprise to you that the mere mentioning of Lex’s name ignites an anger in you that you’ve never felt before. 

“What did he want?” You ask her once you manage to calm down a bit. 

“To taunt me, what else?” She chuckles humourlessly and takes your hands in hers. “But he did make me realize that I need to be honest with you about something.” 

“What do you mean?”

“I told you that I’ve been trying to find him and that’s true. But what I left out is that I’ve been trying to find him before you and the others do.” Why? Why would she do that? Why would she want to face that monster alone after everything? You ask yourself these questions but you know why. You still ask her the question because you need to be sure. 

“Why?”

She lifts her eyes to yours. “You know why.” Of course you did but you don’t want to think about it. It was a hard pill for you to swallow the moment Lena had confessed to you what she had done. That she had killed Lex for her friends. For you. It broke you because you knew how good she was, how she valued human life, how her goal has always been to heal and not harm. But Lex’s influence on her had forced her to do something that was just so against her very nature. And now, despite everything that followed, the fact that she was willing to go through that again was breaking your heart. 

“No.” You shake your head as you pull your hands away and step back. “You can’t, not again.”

“I have to.” She’s trying but she can’t hold back the tears. It’s tearing her apart, just the thought of killing him is destroying her already but she’s doing it for you. It’s always been for you. Every decision she’s ever made, good or bad as always been in service of the greater good. And you. Even when she felt like you were no longer on her side, she still wanted to protect you. 

“No,” you say again. You step forward and wipe her tears away with your thumb. 

“Kara.”

“No. He doesn’t get to have your soul, do you hear me? He doesn’t get to steal away your goodness. I won’t let him.” 

“I killed him once. Why do you think that is? It’s because deep down, I’m a killer. Maybe I always have been.” Lena has always feared being a killer, being a villain. Being a Luthor. And in some ways, she has at some point become those things but they have never ever been who she really is deep down inside. She must know that and if not you’ll make sure that she does.

“You’re not a killer,” you tell her defiantly. “You are much too kind-hearted and decent and good to ever be that.”

“Maybe, but there is a part of me capable of it. I can’t deny that and neither can you. There is something inside of me that is dark and broken and I can’t run from it. I’ve tried but I can’t.” You hate seeing her like this but you don’t want else you can say. She’ll just push back, so convinced of this ridiculous notion. And then it hits you. 

“We all have dark sides, Lena. Even me.”

“You?” She scoffs. 

“Yes. And I’ve given into it. This was before you moved to National City. I did and said lots of horrible things, even to the people I care about most.” It was a chapter of your life that you wanted to forget but your experience with red kryptonite haunted you too much for you to ever let it go.

“I had heard about that. You were compromised, you weren’t thinking straight.”

“That’s true but everything I did, everything I said was all me. It brought out a side of me that has always been there. And I’ve been carrying that with me every day since but I don’t let it define who I am. Because that person, is not who I am. It’s not who you are either.” You place your hands on her waist and pull her close. “You have to know that that is not who you are and if you don’t, allow me to tell you. You are the most resilient person that I know. You’re brave and kind and thoughtful and brilliant. So brilliant. And you give so much and you care so much about everyone around you. You, Lena Luthor, are everything good in this world.” She smiles at you as tears rim her eyes and she locks her hands behind your neck, nestling her head against your chest. 

“Thank you,” she whispers, so softly you might have missed it without your powers. “You know, for a time, I thought that you didn’t see me that way anymore.”

“I have always seen you that way. I always will.” The rest of the world pre-Crisis may have looked at Lena Luthor as yet another evil genius but you never did, not even once. At first, you saw her simply as a woman desperate to make a name for herself outside of her family, something you could relate to all too well. And then, as Lena slowly opened herself up to you, you discovered a soul that was so pure and rare and beautiful. It’s no wonder you soon found yourself falling in love with this breathtaking woman.

“I love you, Kara.” Rao, and there goes your heart, racing a mile a minute. It will never get old, hearing Lena say I love you was like food for the soul and you will always hunger for it. 

“Say it again,” you tell her and she does, right in your ear, a voice so low and soft. She says I love you no different than the first time and you find your heart beating faster and faster just like the first time too. And she’s yours, she says it to you again and again. So you back her up and prop her up on the vanity with a desperate flame burning inside your heart. You let your lips and your touch show her just how much you love her as she says it once more. 

She’s yours.


	17. Nights Like These

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brainy wakes up and Lena finally hosts game night.

It’s been just over a week since you started your attempt to save Brainy from this life threatening radiation. You still weren’t sure of all the details but that didn’t matter. Brainy was your friend, despite everything, and you knew you had to save him no matter what. 

You and the rest of the super friends are gathered around the makeshift hospital room J’onn had setup upstairs. Everyone’s eyes are glued to the monitor that read ninety-nine percent, waiting anxiously for it to turn to one hundred. You jump a little when it finally happens, a loud sound from the machine signalling that it’s completed its work. And now you’re waiting. Kara wasn’t here, busy stopping a bank robbery by alien thugs in the next city over, but Alex’s hand on your shoulder brings you a certain amount of comfort. Your tired eyes never leave Brainy as you search for any signs that your comrade will wake up. 

Brainy’s brown eyes flash open widely and he immediately sits upright in the bed, looking around. He doesn’t say anything, he looks as though he’s analyzing the room for context. And then his eyes finally rest of all of you with a vacancy you’ve never seen before. 

“I should be dead.” That wasn’t the first thing you expected him to say but you’re glad that he’s at least speaking. “How am I not dead?”

“Lena saved you,” Alex answers, giving your shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“Ah right. I always categorized you as a 1.79 level intellect. I may have to up that to 1.81.” 

“Thanks,” you say, smiling a little, unsure if that’s a compliment or not. 

“May I speak with you in private for a moment?” He asks you but his eyes are on everyone else. You follow his lingering gaze on Nia whose face falls at the question. You understand her sadness all too well. Despite how rocky things had gotten between them, Nia never stopped caring about him and he didn’t stop caring about her in his own way. You knew she blamed herself for the decisions that he ended up making, working with Lex being the most gut wrenching, because she had encouraged him to remove his inhibitors in the first place. It was something, among other things, that they would have to discuss but Brainy didn’t appear ready for it just yet. 

Alex leads the way out of the room and down the stairs with Nia trailing along. She gives you and Brainy one last look before joining the others. A few minutes pass by without Brainy saying a word to you and even though you’re not the one who called for this impromptu conversation you decide you may as well initiate it. 

“What did you want to speak with me about?”

“Oh right.” He turns to you the way a person does when they’ve completely forgotten someone else was in the room. “That. Well, we have a plethora of problems but the one of utmost concern is this. Lex Luthor has the members of Leviathan that I bottled. He took them from me on-board Leviathan’s ship before leaving me to die.” 

“Bottled?” You repeat. “What do you mean?” 

“Oh. Oh yes that’s right. Allow me to give you a crash course of my ancestral history.” Crash course indeed, Brainy rattles off quickly about his ancestors and how they would literally shrink planets and bottle them up and although it’s a lot for you to process, your quick mind is able to keep up. 

“So, you’re saying that Lex has immortal aliens bottled up somewhere.”

“Yes and I have no idea what he’s planning.” He shifts around on the bed so that his feet can touch the floor. He leans towards you a bit. “With all my deductive reasoning somehow I wasn’t able to account for that. I played right into Lex’s hands.” 

“He’s a master manipulator,” you tell him. “And he knew that you wouldn’t kill them, that you’d find another way because that is who you are. Don’t beat yourself up over that.” He nods and smiles a little. You don’t tell him to use the little boxes this time, the boxes that you had been using all your life, the boxes that he too came to rely on. The boxes had their purpose, in times of crisis where deep focus was paramount, the boxes were essential. But ultimately, those feelings didn’t just go away and they couldn’t be ignored forever. You can relate to Brainy’s frustration and regrets, his fear of being like the insane forbearers of his DNA. You had those same feelings but you were processing them now, you weren’t boxing them up anymore. And neither should he. 

“Do you think that she’ll forgive me?” He asks in a low voice. You could tell him yes, you could tell him that Nia was the one who led the charge to save him, how she risked her own life to do it and how she never left his side all this time. But despite all that, you don’t really know how she feels. She never talks to you or Kara or anyone for that matter. 

So you tell him this, “I think she will in time. But you have to learn how to forgive yourself first if you’re going to move forward.”

“Have you?” He counters, not in a defensive way. You know he’s asking because he’s already done the math, already worked out the probabilities. You want to think that you’ve forgiven yourself for everything but if you’re being honest you don’t really know. You used to think that Lillian was your harshest critic but really it was you. At times, you were your own worst enemy but Kara’s love made you strong enough to fight it. Her light chased away the darkness. And with that realization, you had your answer. 

“Yes.”

———

“Just relax, Lena.”

“I am relaxed. I just want tonight to be perfect.” It was finally here, the day Alex alluded to weeks ago. Game night, at your penthouse of all places. It would’ve happened sooner but it didn’t feel right without Brainy. Now that he was awake and relatively himself again, you really couldn’t put Alex and Kara off any longer. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t nervous, much like the first time you joined the Danvers sisters for game night. 

When Kara had invited you, the first answer that popped into your head was yes but you managed to banish that thought before the words escaped from your lips. You had to keep reminding yourself that you hadn’t moved to National City to make friends, least of all with a reporter who was probably more interested in using you for her next story. But she gave you the flash drive with embarrassing L-Corp data. She could’ve used it if a good story was what she was after but she didn’t because that’s not what she wanted. So it’s no wonder that the next time you saw her, you saw her warm smile and earnest eyes, you caved and gave into the undeniable urge you felt to be her friend too. 

And thank God you did. 

You open the front door when your first game night guest arrives. “Andrea, so glad you could make it.”

“I hope I’m not late.”

“You are right on time.” She returns your smile before stepping inside. “Thank you again for inviting me.” She looks over at Kara and gives her a small wave.

“Well I think it’s time we move on from the past, don’t you? I never should’ve shut you out the way that I did.”

“No, you only did it because I lied to you about the amulet. I should’ve trusted you enough to tell you the truth.” For the longest time Andrea had been your only friend, the only friend you thought you’d ever need. Losing her wrecked you, wrecked your ability to trust and believe in friends. It made you erect walls around your heart that were so thick nothing could get through them. Except Kara of course who broke through those walls like a warm knife through butter. But despite everything, the moments you shared with Andrea were precious and irreplaceable and you weren’t going to let one moment of betrayal taint that any longer. 

Your other guests start arriving soon after, the last of which being James. When he pulled you in for a hug, you couldn’t help looking over at Kara, catching a glimpse of a heat flash in her eyes. You knew it was unnecessary for her to feel anything towards James about you but could you honestly say that you wouldn’t feel the same if Mon-El were here? The only reason you were able to tolerate his relationship with Kara was because you had convinced yourself that your feelings were purely platonic and that even if they weren’t, Kara would never feel the same about you. You convinced yourself that you were unworthy of her love. 

Thirty minutes into the night and Alex is already swearing at Brainy for card counting, the techno organic genius defending his belief that using math wasn’t cheating as he looks to you to back him up. You only laugh, refusing to get involved as Alex helps herself to another glass of your favourite scotch. She hates losing, possessing a competitive spirit not unlike your own. But tonight, you’re just enjoying yourself, win or lose. Nights like these you grew to love over the course of your friendship with Kara. Sure enough you were always happy to spend time alone with her but it was also nice to spend it with everyone else. You never had this, a circle of friends who were more like family had your own blood. You had chosen to give them up because you felt hurt and betrayed but their smiles and laughter and kindness, it’s no different now than it was then. It was always real, you can see that now. And you’re even happier that you can share this with Andrea too, a woman who was no stranger to loneliness. 

It was close to one in the morning when everyone decided to call it a night. Andrea hugs you after saying goodnight and you hug her back just as tightly. You say goodnight to Brainy who’s still keeping himself at arms length from Nia. James rests his hand on your shoulder, something he liked to do a lot when you first started dating. You return his soft smile and tell him that it’s good to see him too. That’s when Kara appears behind you, wrapping her arm firmly around your waist. She jams herself up against you and smiles up at an uncomfortable James who suddenly hastens his exit. 

“Okay,” Alex says as she walks over to you, waving to Kelly that she’ll met her and James in the car. “What is going on with you two?” You and Kara just look at each other, unsure of how to answer the question. “Oh my God. You guys are dating aren’t you?” Alex looks over at J’onn who gives a shrug, obviously not up for participation on this topic.

“Yes,” Kara says at the exact same time that you say no. “No?” She repeats as she lets go of your waist and you turn around slightly to face her. The look on her face is one of utter disappointment and you know where her mind must be heading. 

“Oh,” Alex mouths as she shifts her weight awkwardly. Then she says, “Well, how about you two figure out . . . This . . . And get back to me. Let’s go J’onn.” The man follows her to the door quickly, clearly grateful for the chance to exit the conversation as much as the penthouse. Now it’s just you and Kara and Kara’s obviously hurt feelings.

“No.” She repeats the word again as if she doesn’t understand it and you suppose that she really doesn’t. 

“It’s not what it sounds like.” 

“Really? Because it sounded like you don’t think of us as dating. And if we’re not dating then what are we doing, Lena?” Honestly, you weren’t really that sure. It’s not like you went out of your way not to interact with Kara in an affectionate way while around other people, it’s just that your busy schedules made those interactions few and far in between. She never asked you to define your relationship with her and you never thought about it yourself. You didn’t feel the need to, you both knew what you needed to know but you realize now that Kara may need more. 

“Do we have to be doing anything?” You ask her. “Darling, I love you and you love me. That’s all that matters. We don’t need to categorize this.”

“Why not?” Kara’s sad voice catches you off guard. You hadn’t realized how important this was for her. So why wasn’t it important for you too? Why were you so resistant to the idea giving this a name? You take a moment and before long you find your answer.

“I don’t have the best track record when it comes to relationships,” you say, taking her hands in yours. “They’ve all fallen apart and I guess that a part of me has just been waiting for the other shoe to drop.” You hadn’t wanted to admit it but it was still gnawing at you, the thought of you doing something that was going to drive Kara away from you forever. 

“There is no other shoe, Lena,” Kara whispers to you. She presses her forehead to yours and smiles a little. “I’m not going anywhere and neither are you. It’s you and me. Now and for the rest of time.” You smile back because how can you not when Kara’s looking at you the way she does with eyes as blue as the ocean and as earnest as can be. How could you look at this woman and feel anything other than love and pride? 

“Okay.”

“Okay what?” 

“Okay we’re dating. Let’s tell everyone.”

“Well, you haven’t asked me yet,” Kara says as she pulls away, smiling in a very childish way. You’re about to ask her what she means but you quickly realize what she’s driving at. 

“Really?”

“You have to ask,” she insists. You shake your head but give in because Kara’s got you wrapped around her finger. 

“Kara Danvers, will you be my girlfriend?” You ask with a smile.

“Hmm. I’ll think about it,” she answers as she starts to walk away.

“Kara!” You whine as you stare after her. She walks back over to you, pulling you into her arms as she giggles a yes into your ear. 

“Well see now I’m not so sure,” you tease. 

“Oh come on, Lena.” 

“Nope.” You release yourself from her arms and walk backing away. “Maybe you can change my mind.” 

“Don’t run, I will catch you.” But it’s too late, you’re already running at full speed towards the bedroom. Even without using her powers, Kara manages to catch up to you just before you get to the doors. She wraps you up to her arms again and plants a delicate kiss on your lips. 

“You caught me,” you say breathless, locking your hands behind her neck.

“I always will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if I kind of blew past Brainy’s recovery but I’m not really good at the sci-fi stuff.


	18. Home

It’s not first time you’ve been out with her. Most of the time you spent together consisted of restaurants, gyms, yoga studios, concerts, movie theatres, you name it. So no, the concept of going out wasn’t new. But holding her hand was, feeding her from your plate was, sharing desert with the same fork was, kissing her under a moonlit night was. Even though you’ve been doing it for weeks, each time still felt new and it wasn’t because the romance was new, it wasn’t because of all the buildup. You knew the reason why, you wake up next to her every morning, you pull her into your arms at night. You love her with everything that you are. 

The reason was Lena Luthor, plain and simple. 

You didn’t share moments like this with anyone else, not even Mon-El, where something as simple as a stroll across the broad walk with Lena’s hand in yours was all you needed. The fancy restaurants Lena liked to take you to, the surprise gifts that she’d buy for you, none of it mattered in the least. The quiet moments, the ones where she falls asleep with her laptop still open or smiles in a way that’s only for you or cooks you breakfast after a lazy morning, those are what really matter to you. Those are what you craved each day, what you had been dreaming about for years as you continued to deny yourself the full extent of Lena’s love. 

Tonight is not unlike the others that you’ve shared with her. Dinner at a new sushi restaurant, talking about your respective activities for the day, reaching your hand across the table to hold hers, it’s your new normal now, part of your routine. Despite the busy schedules you both had, you with CatCo and Supergirl and Lena with finding Lex and making her reluctant appearances at L-Corp, you always made time for a night like this. 

Normally Lena would call her driver to take you home, to yours or hers, but tonight you’re walking. Not just because the restaurant is nearby your loft but because the night is young and the moon is out and Lena is beautiful as always. She’s holding your hand, firmly and proudly as you walk with her and you can’t stop yourself from the feelings of love and pride that erupt from within you. She wants you and only you, she’s chosen you and she wants the whole world to know it. You stop walking just outside your building, just under a flickering street lamp. Lena looks at you with such love and adoration in her eyes that you could hardly hold back the tears of joy. Rao, how is this beautiful and brilliant woman yours? 

She wraps her arms around you, eliminating any space between you two before she presses her soft lips against yours. You return her kiss eagerly, fighting to hold back the passion inside your heart screaming at you to tear her clothes off right then and there. Eventually she pulls away and leads you into the building. You unlock your apartment door and hold it open for her as she steps inside with you behind her. 

As she walks over the living room, you decide to take a moment to formulate how to say what you’ve been wanting to say to her all night. You even had Alex coach you before you went to meet up with Lena at the restaurant and though you felt confident then you weren’t feeling that way now. It’s not that Lena intimidates you, though on some level she did the first time you met her, you just didn’t want to scare her by moving things along too quickly. You knew that she loved you, that she would do anything for you and you didn’t want that to be the only reason why she agrees to things she’s just not ready for. You want her to feel ready just like you do but as Alex pointed out to you earlier, you won’t know unless you tell her. So you cross the room and sit down on the couch, turning to face her. 

“So, there’s actually something that I want to talk to you about,” you say to her. 

“What is it?” She asks, turning her undivided attention to you and away from her phone. “Kara?” She reaches out to touch you when several seconds pass without you saying anything. Even with Alex’s encouragement and coaching, you still don’t know how to say it. You practically had to drag the word girlfriend out of her, how would she handle this? With all these thoughts holding you back you decide to stop thinking and just blurt it out.

“I think we should move in together,” you say quickly. You had already imagined some of the different ways Lena might react to this but you never managed anything like this. Her face lights up like a little kid on Christmas Day and her answer is immediate. 

“I think so too.” 

Now you’re the kid on Christmas Day. “Really?”

“Of course. I mean, we spend most of our time together anyway and I like the idea of coming home to you.” She places a hand on yours and gives you a tiny smile. “I want to come home to you.” It’s the way she looks at you, the way she smiles at you, the way she talks to you and opens up to you. It’s everything about her that has your heart singing but in this moment it’s knowing that she wants to come home to you that has you finally caving to the joyful tears you’ve been holding back. She doesn’t say anything, she lets you have your moment of unbridled happiness. All she does is pull you into her loving embrace. As much as you loved holding Lena, you loved when she held you even more. 

“I want that too,” you say after a few minutes. “So, I guess the only question is, who’s apartment do we choose. It should probably be yours, it’s a lot nicer than mine.” Sure enough you found a lovely home, on a reporter’s salary no less, but Lena’s penthouse was luxurious and spacious and the kind of place she was accustomed to. It just sense to move in with her. Not to Lena though. 

“Actually, I think we should choose yours.” 

“Really?” You ask as you pull away so you can turn to look at her. She nods and rests her arm on the back of the couch. 

“My penthouse has never been a home, Kara, not like here,” she tells you. “It’s only ever been a place to lay my head at night. In fact, I only bought it because it was the closest one to your building.” 

You raise your eyebrows Lena style. “Oh wow. Well if you really wanted to be close by, you could’ve just moved into the actual building.”

“Oh right but there were no vacancies,” she teases back with a smile.

“Plus it’s rent controlled so not really your thing.”

“It isn’t but I figure you’re worth the extra effort.” She takes your hand in hers again and looks you in the eyes. “Money, luxury, material things. None of that matters to me. I don’t need them. The only thing I need is you.” She leans forward to kiss you while you sit there grinning like an idiot. Even while your kissing her back you’re still smiling as Lena pulls away suddenly to readjust herself. She moves over and straddles you before resuming the kiss. Your hands snake up her back and under her blouse, fiddling with her bra strap carefully. You had destroyed a lot of Lena’s clothing already. You find yourself pulling away when your super hearing picks up on someone screaming for help. Lena looks at you, confusion leaving her eyes when you smile at her apologetically. 

“I’m sorry,” you whisper. 

She shakes her head as she moves to sit on the couch again. “Hey, don’t ever apologize for being a hero. Go and hurry back home to me.” You get up on your feet and change into your suit before leaning down to kiss her on the forehead. 

“I’ll always come back home to you.” She smiles, the way she always has just for you, and tells you to be careful. You take off out your apartment and into the sky towards the sound of a man trapped in the drivers seat of a tanker seconds away from exploding. The grateful man thanks you for getting him out before the truck became engulfed by flames. A small crowd gathers around and starts cheering for you. You give them an appreciative smile before you’re off again. You end up stopping a few minor crimes on your way back home. 

You call out for Lena when you land through your bedroom window. When she doesn’t answer you call out again. And again. You walk out to the living room, check the bathroom but she’s not here. Still you call out and listen for her but you don’t hear anything. The sound of her heart beating was one you knew all too well, it’s how you’ve always known whenever she was outside your door. 

You pull your phone out to call her, thinking that perhaps she stepped out while you were gone. When Lena’s ringtone plays, you find her phone resting on the coffee table where she had placed it earlier. There were no signs of a struggle but you knew something wasn’t right and nothing was holding back the spiral that was threatening to overwhelm you. You fly over to her penthouse but she’s not there, Hope hasn’t seen her since you two spent the night there three days ago. 

Your entire world feels like it’s spinning off its axis. You can’t breathe. You start hyperventilating, feeling so human and vulnerable in a way you only ever have once. When Psy had launched her psychic attacks on you, it didn’t just bring up the fears and guilt you felt over Mon-El and the uncertainty of his fate. It brought up a much greater fear, the paralyzing horror of losing the people that you love. Of losing Lena. And even though you don’t want to think about it, thoughts of never seeing her again flood your mind as you back up against the wall and slide down to the ground. You can feel the walls closing in on you as it becomes harder and harder to breathe. 

But what good is it doing anyone to have you like this? How would this help you find Lena? So you pick yourself up off the floor and fly over to Alex’s studio. Alex manages to calm you down and reassures you that you’ll find Lena. And you will, you have to. You had to live in a world with Lena Luthor, one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to endure. You couldn’t do it again, not now or ever. And you won’t. 

While Alex calls the others you fly over the city, closing your eyes as you listen closely for the siren call that is Lena’s heartbeat. And after you find her, there’s only one place you’ll be going. 

Home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not a chapter I was planning on writing but here we are lol. This story is already going further than I intended so let’s see where we end up.


	19. Mothers and Daughters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I think the title says it all

You don’t know where you are and you’re not quite sure how you got here but you’re not scared because there’s one thing you do know. You know exactly who brought you here. So when your blurry vision finally clears as you regain consciousness, you’re not at all surprised that Lillian’s tight smile is the first thing you see. 

“Hello Lena,” She says when she realizes you’re conscious again. Dammit, maybe you should’ve faked it a bit more. Lillian was the last person you wanted to see, let allow talk to. She had a bad habit of showing up just when everything seems to be going well for you. She did it when you were in the process of settling in at L-Corp by quickly turning the city against you with a well crafted frame job. She did it when you were in middle school by paying off your boyfriend to dump you. She did it by helping Lex convince you to work with him instead of making things work with Kara after Crisis. The moral of all those stories were the same, beware of Lillian Luthor. So no, her showing up like this, going out of her way to talk to you, must be a bad omen. 

“Mom,” you say, returning her fake smile. “What the hell am I doing here?”

“Well, I heard about your little chat with Lex and how he failed to bring you back into the fold. So I figured, a little change of scenery away from your alien friends might make you more . . . Receptive.” 

You roll your eyes. “Right and you immediately thought that this was the best way to do it?” You demand, unable to stand just yet but you do manage to lean forward with a straightened posture. 

“Would you have come otherwise?”

“No,” you answer immediately. She gives you a well-there-you-go look. “Doesn’t mean you should kidnap me. Again.”

“Again? When have I ever kidnapped you?”

“Oh right, I forgot. You had your thug Metallo do it for you.”

“I had him break you out of prison,” she corrects you. “How many mothers would do that for their daughters?”

“How many mothers are the reason why their daughter is in prison in the first place?” You counter angrily. You prided yourself on managing an inhumanly amount of control over your emotions but when it came to your family you were never able to. Lillian and Lex got under your skin in a way no one else ever did. You suppose that was easy for sociopaths. For whatever reason, you had emotions and sympathy and a genuine desire to help the world. You didn’t hate people just for being from another planet or hold an inherent distrust in them for their power. That was how Lex felt, how his obsession with Superman had evolved from his fears of a hostile alien takeover to a full blown hysteria. You had viewed your potential relationship with Supergirl differently, you saw it as a way to forge the partnership that Lex and Superman should have had all along.

“Well, now that we’ve gotten the pleasantries out of the way, why don’t you tell me why you brought me here,” you say after you manage to regain some control of your emotions. 

“Lex and I are on the cusp of greatness,” Lillian says proudly. “It won’t be long before our work is complete.” 

“Your work with Leviathan.”

Lillian raises an eyebrow. “So you know.”

“Of course,” you scoff. “And you already knew that. You didn’t bring me here for a motherly chat or to convince me to come back into the fold. You wanted to know how much I know about your plans.” 

She smiles at you again. “You always were a clever girl.” 

“That must’ve been very hard for you to say,” you say mockingly. 

“I’m a scientist, Lena, same as you. It’s pointless denying facts, you know this.”

“It’s a fact that your murderous son is a raving lunatic and yet you choose to deny that.”

“Lex is going to save humanity from the alien plague threatening to destroy us,” she says with a huff. She hated it whenever you say anything that she couldn’t flat out deny.

“Funny how he plans on using ancient aliens to do that.”

“Fight fire with fire as they say.” 

“We will stop you.”

“We? You and the Kryptonian.” She laughs dismissively. “Oh Lena, must you continue to disappoint your mother?” 

“You knew who she really was,” you say to her as you finally manage to stand. “From the moment I came to National City, you knew. You could’ve told me at any point but you didn’t. Why?” It really wasn’t a betrayal on Lillian’s part, you had grown so accustom to the woman actively going out of her way to hurt you that you didn’t feel any change in emotion towards her at all. But if she truly hated Kara as much as she acted, why hadn’t she told you the truth? 

“I could have but I knew it would be so much more satisfying for you to find out on your own. Of course, I didn’t think it would take you this long.”

“But I didn’t find out on my own, Lex told me.” More like Lex pulled the rug out from under you and you fell flat on your ass. Lex’s revelation had opened so many doors, doors that you had struggled to keep close all your life. It had opened up all the little boxes you housed inside you, forcing you to feel every emotion you’ve ever shoved away all at once. 

“The result was still the same. I wanted to hate her and you did.” You look away for a moment and wonder to yourself if you ever truly hated Kara. If you ever truly hated anyone for that matter. Even those well deserving of your hatred had your love so how could you ever hate the only person who has always loved you? Lex and Lillian really were a pair, both seeking to turn your heart to ice and force you to finally become the Luthor they thought you could be. And you almost did. You caught a glimpse of yourself as a full fledged Luthor, as a cold and calculating mastermind, and you’d be lying if you said it didn’t frighten you. 

“I never hated her,” you say in a low voice as you turn your gaze to her. She looks surprised. “The same way I’ve never hated you or Lex despite everything you’ve done.”

“We’re family,” She says with an emphasis on the word family. 

“So is Kara.” 

Lillian makes no effort to hide her disapproval. “Your Kryptonian obsession is almost as bad as your brother’s.” You didn’t appreciate the comparison. Your feelings for Kara were of pure love, Lex’s feelings were of pure hatred. Polar opposites, on either end of the spectrum. 

Lillian goes on,“But even his obsession with Superman and Supergirl is becoming dwarfed by his ever growing obsession with you.” You find yourself smiling a bit as you’ve finally arrived at the main reason why she’s brought you here. It really always came down to this, when it came to her children she always loved Lex more. You understood why after many years the reasons behind the strained relationship you two shared but it wasn’t an excuse you could accept. You may have lost it at a young age but you could remember what a true mother’s love felt like. Whenever you spent Thanksgiving or Christmas holidays with the Danvers family, you looked on with great longing at the interactions Eliza would have with Kara and Alex. 

Mothers and daughters, it was a relationship you never truly understood. And how could you, losing your birth mother so young and being relegated to a woman who only saw you as a noisy reminder of the past. So you would simply watch other mothers and daughters and try to find a way to emulate what you saw but it never worked. So eventually you just stopped trying. Lillian never made it easy for you either. It’s no wonder now why you’ve always had trouble processing your emotions, you spent your whole childhood suppressing them you didn’t know any other way.

“I already told Lex that I’m not on his side anymore,” you tell her. “And I’ll say it to you as well.” 

“I know and I know that nothing I say will change your mind. But you know Lex, he won’t stop until he gets what he wants.” You did know Lex, you knew him better than most people. You knew his true nature and how his propensity to obsess over the things he wanted would always be his downfall. He could never see the bigger picture once that happened. It was one of the many things that set you apart from him. If the ultimate goal of your project wasn’t to prove Kara wrong, you might’ve actually been able to see the bigger picture and succeed. You would’ve been a better Lex Luthor than Lex Luthor himself but Kara was your obsession, your kryptonite. Everything you did, you did with her in mind whether that was a conscious decision or not.

“He’s not getting me,” you say defiantly. “I don’t belong to him or anyone else.” Lex’s possessiveness over you was something you could never fully understand. You suppose that was just his way of showing his love but it wasn’t love. It was toxic and suffocating. It was what truly held you back. You used to want nothing more than the chance to finally work with him but you were never treated as his equal. And even when you were, he was silently waiting on you to fail so that his egomania could take over and win the day. So that you’d finally see that his way was the only way.

“Only Kara Danvers.” Lillian gives you a small smile, somewhat genuine much to your shock. “I suppose I can’t tell you to stay out of our way.”

“Well you can but that doesn’t mean I’ll listen.”

“Well then.” She pulls out the signal watch that Kara gave you and hands it to you. You hadn’t even noticed that it was no longer on your wrist. “You better call your Kryptonian playmate to come get you.” This was probably the closest you’ll ever get to Lillian referring to Kara as your girlfriend so you’ll take it. You watch her walk through the portal generating by Lex’s watch before you press the signal button and wait. As you wait, you look around the room you’re in and realize that it’s a shuttered Cadmus facility. This gives you a few more ideas on possible locations for Lex’s hideout. 

Just about a minute goes by before Kara arrives, ripping the steel door off its hinges. Relief washes over her face as soon as she lays eyes on you. She zooms over to you, taking you into her arms and holding you firmly. Almost a bit too tightly. 

“Kara? Darling? I can’t breathe,” You manage to wheeze out. 

“Oh Rao, I’m sorry!” She says, releasing you immediately. She slowly places her hands on your shoulder instead. “I was so worried about you.”

“I know but I’m fine. Really.” 

“Are you sure?” She asks, giving you a careful look over.

“Yes.” 

“Was this Lex?” She asks angrily after she moves her hands from your shoulders to her side. When she balls them up, so tightly that she’s white knuckled, you understand why she moved them. She would’ve crushed the bones in your shoulder to dust. 

“No it was my mother,” you tell her but that doesn’t make the angry flash in her eyes disappear. You suppose Lillian had just as bad a track record with Kara as Lex did.

“What did she want?” 

“She wanted to talk, see how much I knew about their plans.”

“Did she mention anything to you?”

“Lillian’s smart, she’d never do that but she always knows more than she lets on.” 

“Well, it doesn’t matter. I’m just so glad that you’re okay.” She pulls you into her arms, more gently this time, and holds you there. You hold her too, sensing that she needs the comfort more than you do right now. You can’t imagine the nightmarish places her mind must’ve taken her to. You visited those places many times yourself whenever you feared something happening to Kara. But you didn’t want her to go there. So you pull away slightly and smile at her and say that everything will be okay. And you kiss her, allowing her to literally swoop you off your feet. 

“Kara?”

“Yes baby?”

“Take me home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually enjoy Lena’s interactions with Lillian (so much sass!) Thanks for reading everyone.


	20. The One That Got Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a long chapter, sorry y’all. Hope you enjoy it.

“Kara? Kara? Kara!” 

“Hmm?” You finally snap back to reality when Alex waves a hand in your face. You take a while before you finally meet her gaze, concern in her brown eyes as she looks at you carefully. Then she points to the coffee table where the pizza box housed a solitary slice. 

“Do you want the last slice or not?” She asks you. The way she asks the question makes you feel like she had asked a few times but if she had, you honestly hadn’t heard her. You were much too distracted. Your body may have been here but your mind and your heart were elsewhere.

“No you take it,” you say to her. Alex pulls back, a suspicious look in her eyes. She reaches out towards the slice but doesn’t grab it. Instead, her hand extends further and pulls the lid of the box close. She then leans back into the couch, repositioning herself so that she’s facing you directly. She places her arm on the back of couch and presses two fingers to her temple. The pose is so very much like Lena and that thought alone is enough to make you unable to look at Alex anymore. 

“What is going on with you?” Alex asks, no, demands. Her voice sounds concerned but slightly irritated. You suppose you can’t really blame her, tonight was Thursday night, the night that you and Alex reserved for each other. No super friends, no girlfriends, just the Danvers sisters eating pizza and watching childhood movies and talking, really talking about life and love and everything else. It was a way for you two to catch up, a way to talk and hang out like you did before things became so crazy. And you look forward to those nights as well because there’s no one who understands you the way Alex does. She’s always understood you, always known you. You’ve never had to hide from her and the moments where you did it was because you were also hiding from yourself. Angry, ashamed, heartbroken because you had hurt the love of your life and you didn’t know how it fix it. If it could be fixed in the first place. 

Tonight feels a lot like those nights you had spent on Alex’s couch, out cold from the exhaustion of constant crying. Alex senses that, hence the crease in her forehead and the worry in her eyes. She didn’t want to see you like this, silently hurting and not being able to take the pain away. 

“It’s nothing,” you say and you’re not fooling anyone. Alex doesn’t want to press but you’ve forced her hand with this half-assed attempt to cover up the obviousness of your pain. 

“Oh come Kara. I’m not blind. Something is bothering you. I can see it in your eyes. And besides, when do you ever give up the last slice of pizza?” Under normal circumstances, you would’ve inhaled that entire box, especially given the full day of CatCo and crime fighting you had but you barely managed two slices. Your stomach was simply full with an emptiness born from your pain, at having failed to keep the promise you had made to yourself. 

You weren’t supposed to let her walk away.

“Is it Lena?” She asks softly as she reaches out a hand to touch yours. Lena, hearing her name out loud is almost enough to break you. But you steel yourself by looking away and pulling your hand out from under Alex’s. Your hands are in your lap now and you stare at them blankly, unsure of what to do, what to say. You’ve been trying to deny the reality of what had happened with Lena so saying it would be like speaking it into existence. You’d be able to hide under the safety net of denial. But Alex’s gaze doesn’t drop for a second and you quickly find yourself compelled to speak. 

“Yes.” The admission nearly chokes you. “We had a . . . disagreement.” 

“Disagreement?” Alex repeats. “About what?” 

“L-Corp.” You don’t need to say more, Alex is able to fit together the rest of the pieces on her own. Lena had been making appearances at L-Corp for quite some time now since she had found her way back to you. And you tried to be okay with it. You knew how important the company was for her, how she had turned things around and breathed vitality into a place that had been left clinging to life because of Lex’s madness. And you were proud of her for it, so eager even in the early stages to tell the world about it with your talented prose. 

Things were different now, the world was different now. And more importantly, Lex Luthor was back in the public eye. After several weeks had gone by, Lex had suddenly resurfaced at a press conference detailing the reconstruction of a new DEO headquarters. Lex never failed to use this as an opportunity to share his anti-alien rhetoric, calling the destruction an attack of alien terrorism, a way for aliens to stop humans from having the means to fight back. It didn’t matter that his claims were baseless, the narrative had been given life and people were running with it, looking to Lex Luthor as a saviour, as a hero instead of the monster that he really was. 

So no, you weren’t happy about Lena going to L-Corp, about her being anywhere near Lex or Lillian. She tried to tell you not to worry, tried to point out to you that Lex would never harm her in such a public way, tried to let you know that she could take care of herself. But you couldn’t listen, your instinct to protect her kicking into overdrive. And then it drove her away. You’d finally suffocated her with this neurotic tendency of yours to breakdown at even the thought of losing her. This petrifying pang in your heart, the fear that would seep it’s way in, drowning out all logic and sense. It wouldn’t leave you, you couldn’t shake it away. 

“Lena is a major shareholder,” Alex says, breaking you out of your thoughts. “And she worked so hard building that company, you can’t expect her to walk away from it now.” Lena seemed prepared to at first, seemed ready to walk away from it all so why didn’t she? You suppose you’ll never know. 

“I know.” You lift your gaze to Alex’s face again and sigh. “I know that it’s important to her but it’s dangerous. Lex is dangerous. I just don’t want her there, why can’t she understand that?”

“I’m sure she feelings the same kind of fears that you feel every time you put that cape on. I certainly do. But she doesn’t say anything because she knows what you’re doing is important and it’s part of who you are. To ask you to give that up would be like asking you to deny who you are. So she deals with the fears and she trusts that you’ll be alright.” Alex takes your hand again and this time you don’t move or drop your gaze. You drink in her words and resign yourself to them. She was right. 

“So just call Lena, okay? Call her.” You nod but you don’t take your phone out right away. You haven’t quite figured out what to say, how to explain yourself better than you had two nights ago. Everything had been going fairly well up until that point, up until Lex Luthor’s appearance at L-Corp, up until you let fear take over. You can still see it in your mind, Lena’s beautiful face marred with anger and frustration and defiance. You can’t control her, not that you wanted that but you suppose that sometimes your words and actions came off that way. You don’t mean for it to, you don’t mean to be possessive. Lena was yours of course but she wasn’t a possession to be owned. So when she turned to walk out the door, when you moved to block her path and refused to let her leave, when she whispered a desperate ‘please let me go’, you had to. As much as it killed you, as much as you wanted to wrap her into your arms and never let go, you didn’t. Lena was still shutting down whenever she became overwhelmed with negative emotions and only time and space would bring her back to herself. Back to you. 

But two days had already passed and as you pull up her name in your contact list you know with absolute certainty that you can’t wait a second longer. That’s when Alex’s phone rings. She doesn’t recognize the number but answers it anyway. Her expression changes instantly and you can hear the rapid increase in her heartbeat. Her body leaves the couch, seemingly without her brain making the command. When the conversation ends, she lets the phone fall from her face. You reach out reflexively and catch it just before it hits the floor. 

“Alex, what’s wrong?”

“We have to go to the hospital now.” Your heart clenches tightly in your chest but you manage to choke out a why. Alex is slow to reply, it’s as if she’s still processing the news herself. “It’s Maggie.”

———

Alex is busy pacing outside Maggie’s hospital room. You’re staying still, unsure of what words you could offer Alex right now. The doctors didn’t have much information for you two when you arrived about an hour ago. All you know is that Maggie was badly injured while on duty and that she lost a lot of blood. You were just as surprised as Alex must’ve been to learn that she was Maggie’s emergency contact. Still. Two years had passed since they last spoke, since they last saw each other, held each other. Loved each other. Maggie was the one who had helped Alex discover the real truth about herself, a truth that she had shoved so far down inside that she had forgotten it was even there. And you were grateful for that because Alex deserved all the happiness in the world, deserved to feel the magnitudes of love that she gave to others. She deserved it all and she nearly had it with Maggie. 

Maggie Sawyer was Alex’s first love, the ember that ignited an everlasting flame of self acceptance and love inside her heart. It was Alex and Maggie’s interactions that first made you look at your feelings for Lena differently. It was their loving glances, their inside jokes, their private smiles that made you realize just how much you wanted that. With Lena. You had resigned yourself to not finding that special connection with anyone on earth because how could you when you weren’t human? So you tried and tried to make it work with Mon-El because you felt as though you could be yourself with him and for the most part you could. You did. But it wasn’t enough. Mon-El didn’t excite you the way Lena did. It was never his love you wanted, never his body lying next to yours at night, never his hands twined in your hair, never his lips on yours. It was always Lena. 

And as you’re watching Alex you’re feeling everything that she’s feeling as though you’re connected on a psychic level because you understand completely. Though she was the one that got away, Maggie still had Alex’s heart. Alex had given it to her and she never asked for it back. 

“Alex.” You turn around the moment you hear her voice even though it wasn’t your name she called. Alex stops pacing and turns, opening her arms for Lena’s embrace. 

“I came as soon as I got your text.” You blink, wondering when Alex had even texted Lena about this. “How is she?”

“We don’t really know. Doctors said that she lost a lot of blood. They had to operate but some of the shrapnel is lodged near her spine.” Alex places her hand over her mouth to stifle an unanticipated eruption of sobs. Lena acts before you can, immediately pulling Alex into her arms. She holds her there while Alex sobs soundlessly. Then she holds a hand out to you. Hesitantly you take it and wrap your other arm around Alex, hugging her from behind. 

Once she regains some composure, Alex breaks out of the hug, accepting Lena’s handkerchief. “Thank you.”

“Maggie is one of the toughest people I’ve ever met,” Lena tells her. “If anyone is going to pull through this it’s her. I’ll make sure she gets the best care possible.” And that’s when you realize that you’re actually standing in the Luthor Family Hospital, the same hospital where Lena had saved James’s life using Harun-el. 

“Thank you,” Alex says again, managing a smile. “Oh I should call Maggie’s parents. They probably don’t even know she’s here. Excuse me.” Alex hurries down the hall to find a quiet space to make her call and you’re left there with Lena. She held onto your hand, even after the hug broke away. 

“Hi.” She offers you a small smile, not the smile you love getting from her but you’ll take it.

“Hi.” You smile back, moving a bit closer to her. “Lena, can we talk?”

She stiffens a bit at the question. “If it’s about L-Corp then no.”

“That’s it? Just a plain no?” You tried but annoyance still managed to slip into your voice. That’s when Lena drops your hand roughly. 

“I’m not doing this with you right now. Not when Alex needs us.” 

You sigh, hating that once again Lena was right. “Okay, no, you’re right.” And then you realize that you need to go further. “I just need to say this to you. Please.” 

She nods, a signal for you to go ahead. 

“Sometimes it feels like I’ve spent my whole life losing everything I care about. Krypton, my parents, Mon-El and even you. I’ve had to live with that pain for so long but having you makes that all go away. Whenever I’m alone with you at home, I can let all of that go. I can live in the fantasy. But when reality kicks in, I’m felt with this paralyzing fear.” You take her hands gently and hold them to your chest. “I don’t want to lose you, Lena. I can’t lose you, not again. And I can protect you from anything except Lex.” You hadn’t wanted to admit that but deep down that’s what you felt. “Just the thought of you being in the same room with him breaks me down. When Lillian kidnapped you, I went out of my mind thinking that something bad happened to you. That I wouldn’t ever see you again. I know that L-Corp and the work you do is important to you and I don’t want to take that away. I don’t want you to have to feel like you need to give up a part of who you are. And I’m sorry for being controlling or possessive or whatever it is you want to call it. I’m sorry. Just please, come home. Don’t leave me.” 

“I have no intention of leaving you, Kara,” Lena says to you with a serious look behind the green of her eyes. “Never. And I’m sorry, I should’ve tried to see things from your point of view. I shouldn’t have slashed out at you for just wanting to protect me. I’ve never really been good with that I guess.” She pulls one hand from your chest and cups your face. “But you should’ve told me about these fears. Darling, when I said that I wanted to be fighting by your side, I didn’t just mean taking down bad guys. I meant everything. I want to help you face your demons and chase away the bad dreams. So don’t ever think of it as burden you have to carry alone. And as for L-Corp, trust that I can handle myself and that I will let you know if I need your help, like I trust that you’ll do the same.” And there’s the smile, the one she gave to you the first time she saw you and every moment since. The smile you’d do anything for. And you smile back before you pull her into you, sighing into her hair. 

You used to think of Lena as your Maggie Sawyer, the one who made you realize a secret truth about yourself that you didn’t know was there, the one who made you feel love in a new and exciting way, the one who breathed new life into you. The one you lost because you wanted different things, because letting her walk away was somehow easier than asking her to stay.

But Lena’s here, she not going anywhere. She’s here now and forever. And so are you.


	21. Stronger Together

You look over at Alex and Kara as you speak to one of the doctors at your hospital. The odds seem stacked against Maggie but you angrily demand that they put their best surgeons on this and they save her before you fire them all. Of course you wouldn’t do that but the steeliness of your green eyes has them squirming, instantly motivated. 

Kelly and James arrive a few minutes later. J’onn was off world, Nia on patrol and Brainy monitoring the streets for Lex at the tower. Alex hugs Kelly close before they sit down with their arms still wrapped around each other. James says hi to you but doesn’t make a move to hug you or touch you like he normally would. Kara walks over and greets him, seemingly over the jealousy she once felt but she still takes your hand and guides you closer to her. You give James the whole story, sensing that Alex probably wasn’t up for it again.

And you all wait. Hours and hours pass before you get any news. Good or bad, you just wanted some news. Kara’s hand is still in yours but her eyes are on her sister and you can feel her helplessness in this situation. You lift her hand to your lips and kiss the back of it. She turns to you and smiles, pressing a kiss to your temple. When the doctor you threatened earlier finally makes an appearance you all jump to your feet, completely in sync. 

“We were able to remove all of the shrapnel from Ms. Sawyer’s spine,” he says, casting an uneasy look at you. “It’s going to be a long road to recovery and she’s not out of the woods yet but she is stabilized.” Sighs of relief wash over you and your friends. 

Alex steps forward. “Can I see her?” 

“Only for a few minutes.” Alex immediately follows the doctor back to Maggie’s hospital room. You’re not sure what happened in that room but Alex looks almost worse than she had before she went in. Kelly reaches out a hand for her but she doesn’t take it. She doesn’t say anything. She only grabs the sleeve of your leather jacket and pulls you away. 

“Alex?” You say in a voice layered with concern. She doesn’t say anything, she only continues leading you down the hall. She stops at a far corner, breathing unevenly. 

“I don’t know what to do,” she whispers, so low you almost didn’t hear her. 

“About what?” You ask, the worry increasing. Alex’s uneasy breathing doesn’t help much either. You want to help but feel as though you’re out of your element so you add, “Do you . . . do you want me to get Kara?” 

“No, no I can’t say this to Kara. I need someone who can be objective. I need you.” Kara and Alex’s relationship practically defined the sisterly bond. You certainly didn’t have anything remotely close with Lex and any heartfelt moments were usually followed through by manipulation and betrayal. This may have been uncharted territory for you but you would swim in the choppy waters for Alex. 

“What is it?”

Alex takes a steadying breath and you place a hand on her shoulder, giving it a tiny squeeze of encouragement , letting her know you’ll help carry the load if she needed it. 

“I thought that I accepted that things with Maggie were over. That we just weren’t meant for each other the way I thought we were. I’ve spent the last two years trying to recapture the magic I had with her but seeing her again, even after all this time, made me realize that I can’t. I haven’t stopped loving her and if I can’t stop loving her, how am I supposed to love anyone else? How am I supposed to love Kelly?” These are rhetorical questions, she doesn’t expect you to answer but you feel the need to. You open your mouth but close it just as quickly. What could you say? Romanticists believed that everyone had a soulmate, a person who they were destined to be with. You were never a believer but you quickly changed your mind when you met Kara. Even while you were denying it, a part of you knew from the first moment that she was the one. Not Jack, not James. It was always Kara. 

For a while, you had thought that you missed your chance with her but even after so many months apart seeing her again made all these feelings rush back through you. You wanted to scream out I love you but you had managed to catch the sound in your throat. You were too scared then and if it weren’t for Kara lending you her strength you’re not sure you would’ve ever been brave enough. As you look at Alex know, as you look at the inner turmoil, you can see yourself. And it wrecked you.

So you tell Alex how much you understand, how Maggie was to her what Kara has always been to you. How Maggie makes her feel alive and she owed it to herself to explore these feelings, how she’d regret it if she didn’t. It wasn’t fair to Kelly either to continue to pour out her love and energy and time into a relationship that won’t be going any further.

Maggie spends three more weeks in the hospital before she’s released. Alex didn’t share with you what she had talked about with her but you were able to put together a general picture. It was hard for her to say what she was feeling but she did anyway. You can’t imagine how painful it must’ve been for her as much as Kelly to have to own these overwhelming feelings. But she had to say it, Kelly had to know it. 

Maggie’s at Alex’s apartment while she recovers. You and Kara drop off a vase of lilacs and you don’t stay long. The loving glances were back and it was as if Alex and Maggie had never broken up. There was a light in Alex’s eyes again, a smile on her lips that you hadn’t seen before. 

———

Tonight is a perfect night. The weather is gorgeous, the air warm yet cooling, the city life calm, crime on a low so that Supergirl could actually curl up on the couch next the woman she loves. Next to you. You left your office earlier than you told her you would so that you could set up a candlelight dinner at home. No fancy restaurants, no expensive wine selections. Just a simple Chinese takeout and beer, Kara’s favourite. Though you enjoyed showering her with luxury you knew it didn’t matter to her, that something as simple and sweet as this was more than enough. 

When Kara opens the door she startles you a little. You were so focused on setting up, so used to the stillness of the apartment that any sound would’ve gotten your heart racing. Her head jerks up when she notices you, surprised to see you here. 

“Lena?” She says, in a voice so soft and full of love that your heart swells. 

“Hi darling,” you say with a goofy grin. “You’re right on time. I just finished setting up.” You gesture to the living room. “Chinese food and beer.”

Kara’s face lights up instantly. “You’re my favourite, you know that?” You’re laughing now because she straight up stole your line. You hold out your hand and beckon her towards the display. She doesn’t need to be called over twice. She immediately appears in front of you, so close you can actually feel her warm breath on you. 

“I hope you’re hungry.”

“Starving.” She puts her hands on your waist and pulls you up against her. Her lips meet yours briefly before they move along your jaw and down your throat. She nibbles at the soft skin, eliciting a low moan from you. Kara’s hungry alright. She glides a hand down to your pants and releases the clasp with expert precision. You shimmy the pants down to your ankles and let out another soft moan when Kara’s hand slips into your lace panties. You’re soaking wet already, allowing Kara’s index and middle finger to slide into you with ease. When she touches your soft spot, you lose all ability to stop yourself from crying out. 

“Lena.” Kara pants your name into your ear with a burning heat as she increases the rhythms of her thrusts and you move your hips in time. Your knees feel like jelly and you can hardly manage to stand anymore, so you wrap your hands around the back of Kara’s neck and cling to her for support. 

“ _Kara _. _Mmm _.” Ecstasy takes over as sounds escape from your lips that you didn’t even know you knew how to make. That’s just what Kara does to you, the fire that she ignites in you, a heat that burns and burns until you can’t take it anymore.____

_____ _

“ _Lena _.” She’s just as breathless as you are and that’s enough to push you over the edge. Kara really doesn’t play fair. Your grip around her loosens as you finally come. You feel the way you did the first time you got to know Kara so intimately, lightheaded, untethered from the world. Like a balloon, floating up into the sky higher and higher. Free. Kara’s hand snakes around your waist, preventing you from falling back. With your neck freshly exposed, she plants suckling kisses on you, so hard that you knew there would be marks left there. She liked branding you and you didn’t mind.__

_______ _ _ _

You’ll let the whole world know that you’re hers. 

_______ _ _ _

“God that was good.”

_______ _ _ _

Kara smiles smugly as she cups your face. “What can I say? Hearing you say my name like that is highly motivating.” She kisses you tenderly, like she always does at the end. You eventually turn your attention to the dinner. You’re about to put your pants back on but Kara catches you at the wrist. “Leave them off.” 

_______ _ _ _

“Hardly seems fair.” You point to her jeans which she quickly takes off. 

_______ _ _ _

“Anything else you want me to take off, Ms. Luthor?”

_______ _ _ _

You shake your head and smile. “Why don’t we eat first before the food gets any colder?” 

_______ _ _ _

“Well I do have heat vision.” She sits down on the couch and maneuvers you effortlessly to sit in her lap. You loved the way she’d do that, the way she would easily lift you off the ground and carry you to the bedroom or lift you up to her waist, pinning you against the wall. Her displays of raw power were intoxicating.

_______ _ _ _

“There’s something I want to share with you,” you say to her once you’ve finished eating. Kara downs the last of her beer and looks up at you with a tiny smile. 

_______ _ _ _

“What is it?” 

_______ _ _ _

“Hold on.” You get up and walk over to the bedroom to grab the book and quickly return. Kara holds her hand out to guide you back down to her lap as if there was only one seat available. 

_______ _ _ _

“One Hundred Love Sonnets by Pablo Neruda,” she reads when you show her the cover. 

_______ _ _ _

“I’ve spent so much time being an enemy of love,” you say, leaning back into Kara, your cheek pressed against the side of her forehead. “But when I was at MIT, a friend of mine gave this to me. Here.” Kara takes the book from you and opens it. “I highlighted my favourite part from Sonnet XVII.” You guide her to the page. It read:

_______ _ _ _

________

> _____ _
> 
> _I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,_  
>  _I love you directly without problems or pride _:  
>  _I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love _,  
>  _only in this way in which I am not nor are you, _  
> _so close that your hand upon my chest is mine, _  
> _so close that your eyes close with my sleep. ___________
> 
> ____
> 
> _____ _
> 
> ____

__  


“That was beautiful,” Kara whispers, holding you more tightly. “I love this.”

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“I’m not good with words but I always think of you when I read this. I hope you know just how much I love you, Kara. How much I’ve always loved you. I’ve never loved anyone the way that I love you. I don’t want anyone else.” And with that, you stand and turn to face her before dropping down on one knee. “I’ve been trying to wait for the right moment but right moments don’t just appear. You have to make them. We can’t put our lives on hold forever.” You grab your pants off the floor, reaching into the right side pocket to pull out a small black box. You turn your attention back to her and feel a nervousness you’ve never felt before. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“I love you, Kara,” you say breathlessly, as if you just finished running a marathon. “There’s no one in this world who makes me feel the way you do, who’s been there for me, protected me, accepted me. You’re the only one who’s always seen the real me.” You open up the box, revealing a shining white gold ring. Kara gasps when she eyes it, recognizing it instantly. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“My mother’s ring.”

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

You nod. “Last week when I told you I was working late I was really at the Fortress with Kal. He helped me contact Argo so I could ask your mother for permission. She insisted I use this ring so J’onn picked it up on his way back from Mars.” You pause, taking a moment before you ask the question. “Kara Zor-El, will you marry me?” Your eyes are full of hope, you refuse to let the negative voices in your head ruin this for you. Kara’s blue eyes are blurred as the tears well up. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“Yes!” She practically squeals as she reaches out to pull you up and back onto her lap. “Yes, yes, yes.” Then she leans back over the armrest and pulls something out from her bag on the floor. She opens up her palm and shows you the ring. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“Kara,” you gasp, eyeing the ring through tear filled eyes. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“I made this for you a while ago,” she admits sheepishly. “I was waiting for the right moment too but you’re right, we have to make those. I love you, Lena. So much.” You’ve always known deep down that Kara loved you even without her saying it but hearing it now makes your heart race, just like it did all those months ago. It makes you wish that you hadn’t been so afraid to say it before. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“How long?” You ask, unable to take your eyes off the ring. It was such a delicate thing, a platinum band with a perfectly sized diamond resting in the centre. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“Since you said I love you.” You giggle when Kara speaks softly into your ear. Can I ask you?”

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“Ask me.” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

She does immediately. “You’re my best friend and the love of my life. You’re everything to me. I know that our journey to this place wasn’t easy but I will go through it all again in a heart beat just for the chance to call you mine. For me to be yours. So, Lena Kieran Luthor, will you marry me?” 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

Your answer is immediate too. “Yes, Kara. Yes.” You flex out your left hand so that she can place the ring on your finger. She does the same so you can slide the ring on hers. You both take a moment to look at your hands and smile. This was it, now and forever. It didn’t matter that Lex was still out there plotting, that there were no shortages of dangers out there waiting for you both besides him. You had each other, you had Alex, you had the super friends, you had Barry and his team. You had support and love. After so many years wondering in the desert alone, so many years of darkness and pain, you had finally found your home. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

A place that had been waiting for you all this time in Kara’s arms. You finally opened the door and stepped inside.

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

Kara’s hands find your waist again and she lifts you, changing your position so that you’re straddling her legs. You can see it in her eyes, behind the happiness there’s worry too about an uncertain future. So you lean in closely, taking her face in your hands and you tell her that everything will be alright, that goodness will win the day, that she wouldn’t have to face these fears alone. 

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“El mayarah,” you whisper softly into her ear. There’s a promise behind it, a vow to be by her side forever.

______ _ _

____

______ _ _

“Stronger together.” And you seal it with a kiss.

______ _ _

____

______ _ _


	22. The Only Way

Save her. 

It’s the only thought engulfing your mind right now. You rush to her side, taking her into your arms but she disappears, plucked out of reach. Her screams compel you to turn and that’s when you feel it. Pain, unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. Rao, it’s been so long you’ve forgotten what a kryptonite bullet felt like, how it ripped through your flesh like scissors through paper. It lodges itself inside its burrow, accompanied by several more. The pain is seething, makes you drop to your knees but you push through it. 

Save her. 

Lex’s minions surround you, closing in to hold you back. Rao grants you the power to fight them off, ignoring the shooting pain all over your body. You grab the arm of one of the attackers and snap it in place before ramming your head into the next one trying to mess with you. You’re wild, feral like a threatened animal. But your mind is focused, on one thing and one thing only. 

Save her.

That singular thought never leaves your mind as you fight your way to her as if you’re at one hundred percent. It didn’t matter to you, you’d fight an entire army of Metallos to get to her. It’s almost as if you’ve forgotten about the kryptonite bullets riddling your body as you struggle to your feet. She’s there, squirming in Lex’s grasp as the barrel of a gun is pressed against her temple. The only begging she does is for your life, she couldn’t give a damn about her own. Lex points the gun at you and squeezes the trigger, a maniac smile tugging at his lips. The bullet courses through your chest, just shy of your heart. Blood rushes out in response and you clench the wound with one hand, still forcing yourself to stand. 

“Lex stop. Please!” Lena’s voice breaks, tears streaming down her eyes as her soul reaches for you. “I’ll do anything. I’ll come back to you just please. Don’t kill her!” 

“I’m not going to,” Lex replies calmly, matter-of-factly. He presses the gun against Lena again. “No, I’m going to kill you, dear sister. And I’m going to make the Kryptonian watch.” He gives you a wicked grin. “Imagine what a kryptonite bullet will do to her.”

Save her.

“No!” You scream out, using every ounce of strength you have. But it’s not enough. You fall, just out of reach, as if the ground had been from underneath you, your gaze never wavering from the gun in Lex’s hand. You hear the bullet being released from its chamber as much you feel its escape. Her name is just on the tip of your tongue but you have no voice to say it, your throat closed up and dry. Lex unceremoniously throws Lena’s lifeless body to the ground like trash and takes a few steps closer to you. 

“You should’ve killed me when you had the chance.” He doesn’t hesitate, doesn’t say anything more. Another bullet escapes and your world goes blank. 

“Kara! Kara!” Lena’s voice rouses you from sleep. Your blue eyes flash open to meet hers staring back at you. They’re full of concern and worry. Her hand against your shoulder feels real but you reach out and take it just to be sure. 

“Lena,” you breath, relief washing over you. It is real. “You’re okay.” 

“Of course I am, darling,” she says, wiping away your tears with her thumb. You hadn’t even realized that you were crying. “You were screaming. Bad dream?”

“Nightmare.” A hellish one at that. It had been a while since you’ve had those. For many months after you arrived on earth they haunted you, robbing you of any peace or rest. Once you found yourself again, once you managed to somewhat fit in and bond with Alex and your adoptive parents, the nightmares ceased. They restarted after you sent Mon-El away but that was short lived. Being with Lena, especially now was a gift, one that you were terrified of losing. Certain that Lex would try to take it from you. 

You expect her to ask what the nightmare was about but she doesn’t and you’re grateful. She knew you so well sometimes, knew that all you needed in these moments was reassurance that she was here and that she was okay. So she places your hand over her heart, as if you couldn’t hear it beating so plainly in your ears. 

“I’m okay. We’re both okay. We’re safe.” She pulls you into her and you press your cheek against her neck, still too afraid to close your eyes. She strokes your hair lovely, turning her head slightly to plant a reassuring kiss on your forehead. 

“I got you, Kara,” she whispers and you find yourself smiling. Lena’s said that to you before, back when she thought you were just an average reporter with no self defence skills. You suppose if you didn’t have powers that would probably be the case. She was always so protective of you in those high tension situations, seeking to do whatever it took to ensure your safety. And she’d say those words and they had the same effect now as they did then because the promise behind them hadn’t changed. She had your back, she would always be by your side. She’d fight to protect you. 

“Sorry I woke you,” you say to her, pulling away so you could meet her gaze. 

She shakes her head. “Don’t be.” You take her face in her hands and kiss her softly but there’s an urgency to it. She leans in and deeps the kiss, almost as if she can sense the urgency too. Your arms wrap around her, bringing her close you as you both lie back. You break out of the kiss but continue to hold her, your left hand interlaced with hers as you drift off to sleep.

———

You have a wonderful breakfast with Lena at one of her favourite spots but the dream you had last night still played on your mind. You choose to ignore it as you’re walking out of the restaurant, hand in hand with the woman you love. She’s chatting to you but if you’re being honest you’re not entirely sure what she said. This feeling of dread is creeping up on you because you’re walking her to the one you hated the most. 

It’s funny how the L-Corp building filled you with rage now more than it ever did. Though it was just a building, it always somehow managed to spark some emotion from you. At first it was happiness, every time you visited Lena as Kara and Supergirl and even flying by and secretly checking up on her whenever you knew she was working late. She didn’t know you were there, she didn’t know that you’d follow her home just to make sure that she got there safely. Then it was sadness, a total contrast, and pain knowing that things between you two were broken and may never be repaired again. Now it was rage, a boiling fury that you could barely contain. It had nothing to do with the building itself, just as it never had. It was all about Lex and Lillian, knowing that they roamed the hallways and sat in the same boardroom as your precious Lena. It’s knowing that you’re not there to protect her. It’s not that you didn’t believe her when she said she’d be fine or that could handle herself, you just didn’t trust that her family would play fair. They never have.

Lena stops walking, prompting you to do the same. You didn’t even realize that you had arrived. She presses her lips to yours briefly and tells you to have a good day before she turns to enter the building. Your eyes never leave her and as much as you’re tempted to lower your glasses and continue watching her you don’t. You need to get to work too. You find a nearby alley and change and fly over to CatCo. Nia’s beaten you to work today, leaving a cup of coffee with a smiley face on it on your desk. You look over and smile back at her before turning on your computer. You had some work to finish up, an article on the rise in anti-alien protests due before tomorrow. All the progress that you and many other aliens and allies out there had made seemed to have been wiped away in an instant. The unrest was just as bad as when Agent Liberty and his followers took to the streets and even worse in some ways. Lex was fanning those flames, much like he did last time but now he was public, direct. Now the world thought he was a hero. Just thinking about hero and Lex being in the same sentence made your stomach turn. No, it just didn’t feel right. 

By the time you finally come up for air it’s just after two o’clock. If memory serves correctly, Lena had a free block in her schedule right now. So you fly over, stopping at Big Belly Burger on the way because you’re certain Lena hasn’t eaten since breakfast. You enter her office through the balcony. Lena’s not here. 

The bald headed monster from your dreams is leaning against Lena’s desk. He turns around slightly when he hears you. “It’s been a while, _Supergirl _.” He says the word mockingly. “No cape today? Wise choice, it really is ridiculous.” You walk further into the room so that you could stand across from him. “Oh, I heard about the engagement. Mazel tov.”__

__“What are you doing in here?” You demand, making no effort to mask your outrage at seeing him perched so relaxed against Lena’s desk._ _

__“Looking for Lena, same as you.” He straightens his stance. “Unless you brought those burgers for everyone.” You open your grip and let the paper bag fall to the floor next to your feet._ _

__“Why are you looking for her?”_ _

__“Well, we do run a business. We have business related things to discuss. Budget reports, accounting, project management, all that boring stuff.” His tone was playful but underneath it all you can feel his contempt and hatred of you._ _

__“You’d better _leave_ ,” you say through tightly clenched teeth. It’s taking all your self-control to pounce on him right now. _ _

__“Oh come on. It’s not like I’m up to anything.” He holds his hands up, palms open and forward._ _

__“Like hell you aren’t. I may not know exactly what you’re planning but it doesn’t matter. I will stop you.”_ _

__“Are you _always_ so full of yourself?” Lex wonders as he takes a step closer, stuffing his hands into his pockets. “Man, you Kryptonians can’t help yourselves. I’m really starting to see the family resemblance.” He smiles mockingly. “Let’s say hypothetically that I was up to something, that I was plotting and colluding. Let’s even go further and say that my plans involved Leviathan, that I had the power of gods and I could unleash it at any moment like Pandora’s box.” He steps even closer. “How are you going to stop me? Arrest me again?”_ _

__A derisive chuckle escapes his pursed lips. “Remember how great that worked out last time? I came and went as I pleased, I trained Red Daughter to be an even greater version of you. You capes, with all your posturing you’ve never grasped the single most obvious thing. The only way to stop me is to kill me. It might actually stick this time. Lena understands that. Why? Because she’s a Luthor!” Lex’s sudden change in composure doesn’t startle you in the least, your anger has you anchored. “She is _my_ blood and sooner or later, you’ll hurt her again and she’ll have no one else to turn to but me.” _ _

__“That won’t happen,” you say calmly because it wasn’t worth the anger. It didn’t matter what Lex thought, you knew it and so did Lena._ _

__“Oh no? I bet that’s what you thought the first time too.”_ _

__“You’re not going to wreck us a second time.”_ _

__“There’s only one way to make sure I don’t.” He takes another step, now he’s only an arms length away, sporting a sneer on his face. “Only one way to keep the world safe, to keep your alien friends safe. To keep _her_ safe.” The anger flares up in you again. Lex doesn’t seem to take notice, or if he does, he simply doesn’t care. “You know, I should’ve killed her the minute we got back from crisis. But I didn’t. I’ve always been partial to my relatives, especially my baby sister. I thought that this would be our chance to work together finally. For once Lena **chose me!** ” And there it is, the unhinged look of a maniac taking over in Lex’s crazed eyes. “And you just had to ruin it. I don’t know how many more chances I can give her. I think now it might be time to approach things differently. An eye for an eye.”_ _

__“If you touch her I will — .”_ _

__He cuts you off immediately. “You’ll do what?” There’s a challenge left hanging in the air and the words Lex had said to you in that dream painted themselves in your mind. You should’ve killed me when you had the chance. What would you do? You’re not sure that you know anymore._ _

__“You’re too pious and arrogant to ever do a damn _thing!_ I will bring this world to its knees and I will end her and you won’t do a damn —.” The rest of the words are caught in his throat. He can’t say anything else, only wheezing under your steel grip. Your fingers curl more tightly around the bastard’s neck but there’s no fear in his eyes as he taunts you further. Your eyes start to glow, you can feel the heat building in them. You’re ready to do it, much like you were during crisis when you saw that the Monitor had brought him back to life. But the Monitor wasn’t here and nothing was going to stop you this time._ _

__“Kara?” You hadn’t expected Lena’s soft voice to break through your thoughts. You turn to her and power down your heat vision and release Lex from your grasp. He stumbles back, coughing and rubbing his neck. You can tell from his heart rate just how much of a scare you’d given him and it makes it almost worth it. Almost. Having Lena walk in on it wasn’t great._ _

__“What the hell are you doing here, Lex?” Lena demanded, less than concerned about him._ _

__“I had some things about the business to discuss with you but perhaps another time.” He looks at you briefly. “Supergirl.” He walks towards the door, stopping when he passes Lena. “See you around, sis.” Even after he’s gone, doors shut behind him, Lena doesn’t walk over to you right away and even when she does it’s hesitant, wary._ _

__“Kara, what did I just walk in on?” She asks you. She’s standing right in front of you, close enough for you to reach for her but you don’t. You can barely keep your eyes on her._ _

__“I came looking for you. Thought you might want something to eat and Lex was in here.”_ _

__Lena looks at you carefully. “What did he say to you?” You don’t want to answer her but you do because you can’t lie._ _

__“He said that the only way to stop him is to kill him,” you tell her._ _

__“Darling, you can’t let Lex get inside your head.”_ _

__“It’s more than than that. The dream I had last night? Lex killed you, right in front of me and I couldn’t stop him.” You look away, struggling to hold back the tears. “And I keep thinking, what if I can’t stop him? What if I can’t protect you?”_ _

__“You will stop him, Kara because you’re not fighting alone. You have me and Alex and everyone else.” She cups a hand to your face. “We’ll find another way.” You move her hand away, you don’t feel like you deserve it._ _

__“This isn’t the first time I’ve wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill him during Crisis. It wasn’t fair that he got to live while billions died. While you died.” Though Crisis had been pretty much fixed and those lives restored, you were still scarred by the events. Killing Lex then would have just made things worst but you couldn’t bring yourself to care. You just wanted him dead._ _

__“What kind of person does that make me?” You whisper so softly that Lena wasn’t standing right in front you she might’ve missed it. She sees the inner conflict you’re facing, relating to it all too well._ _

__“I understand the urge to want to kill Lex more than anyone. It doesn’t make you a bad person because you won’t give in. That’s not who you are. Lex is not worth it.” She places a hand on your shoulder. “Do you hear me?”_ _

__You nod. “Yea. I’m sorry if I scared you.”_ _

__“I’ve never been scared of you, Kara.” You smile as you finally take her into your arms. She rests her head against your chest and hugs you back._ _

__“Would you…would you stop loving me if I did do it?”_ _

__“I could never stop loving you,” she whispers to you. “Believe me, I’ve tried.”_ _

__You chuckle lightly as you pull away. “So, where were you anyway?”_ _

__“Oh. I had some business to finish up.” Her answer is so dubious and you’re not sure why. She continues when she notices the look on your face. “I was going to tell you when I got home but here.” She offers you the papers in her hands. You take them, scanning through quickly._ _

__“You bought back CatCo?” The statement comes out like a question._ _

__“Yes. I thought you’d sound happier about it though.”_ _

__“No, I am. I am Lena. It’s just…you didn’t have to do this.”_ _

__“I did,” she disagrees. “I never should’ve sold it in the first place. I only did it to hurt you and because it hurt too much being around you like that. And I really enjoyed my time there.”_ _

__“You did?”_ _

__“Yea. It was a great business move.”_ _

__You smirk and turn to place the papers on her desk. “So are you going to admit it this time?”_ _

__Her brows lift. “Admit what?”_ _

__“That you bought CatCo for me. Last time you said it was a….hmmm.” You pause and pretend to think. “Oh that’s right. Business venture.”_ _

__“It was,” Lena insists playfully. “A fruitful one too.”_ _

__“Just admit it.”_ _

__“It _is_ a business venture and I got to help out a friend. With everything that happened with Obsidian North, Andrea’s looking for a fresh start. How could I not help her out?” Sure that may have played a role but you knew what the main reason was._ _

__“Admit it,” you press as you begin backing Lena against the wall._ _

__She’s stubborn though. “It’s a familiar company, I already know how to run it.”_ _

__“Admit it.”_ _

__“It’s even got a Pulitzer Prize winning author now.”_ _

__“Admit it.” She’s pinned, your arms pressed against the wall on either side of her. “ _Come on Lena_ ,” you whisper, a smile playing on your lips. You know she can’t resist the phrase._ _

__“Fine.” She relents, grabbing your shirt collar to pull you closer. “I bought it for you. This time and the first time too. I want to make sure that you can keep doing what you love in the place that you love.” Lena’s thoughtfulness and generosity truly had no bounds, especially when it came to you. “Happy now?”_ _

__“Oh I’m more than happy,” you say as your lips graze her neck. “I’m elated. Ecstatic. Overjoyed. Thrilled.” You plant a lingering kiss on her neck in between each word, feeling a deep satisfaction when Lena moans quietly. Your kisses become harder while taking care not to hurt her. The moans become harder too._ _

__“Kara.” She pants your name. “I have a conference call in fifteen minutes.”_ _

__“I can do a lot in fifteen minutes.” Indeed you can and you can actually feel Lena’s sex twitch in anticipation._ _

__She never answers the call._ _


End file.
